Hysteroscopy and Polpectomy Update

It’s done!! We got there at 8:30am and we were taken back relatively quickly. Everything went smoothly!

While I was still in recovery, the doctor went and talked to Chris and showed him pics from the scope. There were definitely polyps there. Prior to surgery they came in with a cartoon drawing of my uterus and showed where they thought 1-2 polyps were. Well, they got in there and there were 8-10 all clustered together! So they removed them all and everything is cleaned out and ready for baby#2!

Definitely in some pain. Trying to distract myself and take it easy! Just wanted to drop in and share how it went! All is well and I am home cuddling with little man! 

FET#1 Day 7 – So.Much.Estrogen.

  
This past week has been rough. In many ways, I would rather be doing the stim injections than be on this estrogen. They didn’t make me feel as bad or as crazy. I know that I need to take it, but I dread when 6PM or 6AM rolls around and it’s time for my next dose. Each dose is making me feel worse and I was hoping that my body would get used to it, or that I would get used to the side effects. We are 7 days in and so far, neither of those are in sight.

  
The physical side effects I can handle. I can handle the persistent headache, never-ending nausea, lack of appetite, diarrhea, flu-like symptoms and night sweats. It’s no walk in the park, but those are manageable. I am able to take Tylenol and Peptobismol. I eat small, tolerable meals and rest as much as possible. I drink plenty of fluids and Chris has been picking up my slack around the house so I can rest, relax and not strain myself too much.

The emotional side effects are what are making this so much worse for me. I have been dealing with anxiety for most of my life. It has come in waves over the years and most of the time I have been able to keep it under control or at bay with medications, yoga and/or therapy. Last year was very difficult for both my husband and I (you can read about that here) and we have been able to persevere by relying on each other and getting a little help from Zoloft. I went on it last October because my anxiety got so bad that I didn’t want to leave the house. I wouldn’t answer the phone because I was afraid it was going to be more bad news. For about a month straight last year, every time I answered the phone it was bad test results, a cancer diagnosis, a death…one thing after another. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was always looking over my shoulder just waiting for the next shoe to drop. I couldn’t sleep. The Zoloft was able to help me get perspective on everything and when I discussed with the RE whether or not to stay on it during IVF and pregnancy, we both found the benefits outweighed the risks as the stress the anxiety causes me could negatively affect the pregnancy. That is how bad it was.

  
Each passing day on this estrogen I get worse. My anxiety is coming back and I feel like I am losing perspective on the whole situation again. It’s getting harder for me to joke around. I am not smiling and am not my normal positive self. Which is making dealing with everything with IVF that much harder. If you can’t remain positive and focused on the end game, then each injection and each procedure is that much worse.

  
On a happier note, my parents safely returned from their trip to Europe and they brought back some nice gifts. I collect the Hard Rock Cafe bears and my life’s goal is to have one from every Hard Rock Cafe. So far I have a ton from the states but only London, Edinburgh and Paris from overseas. Well, now I can add Prague and Budapest to that collection! They brought back some shot glasses for Chris and a small bottle of absinthe. The real absinthe with wormwood that’s not sold over in the U.S. I tried it last time I was in England and never again. It was awful. Chris didn’t believe me. He excitedly took a nice, big swig last night and is still paying for it over 12 hours later! He said it was the worst idea he has had in a long time! My parents also brought back some gifts for the babies. They brought a Baby’s First Mozart CD, baby bibs from Hard Rock Cafe in Prague and two little Stieff bears. They are super soft and cuddly! It was so sweet of them to bring gifts for the babies. Hopefully we will be able to give them to them next summer!

Things I have cried at today:

• Bachelor in Paradise – because I really thought Carly and Kirk would make it. Kirk is a jerk…
• House, MD – because the dad had to chose to save mom or baby. He chose baby. 
• I then asked Chris what he would do in the same situation and it turned into me sobbing into his shirt begging him not to kill me
• Cute old people kissing on a commercial
• Because the cat stole my paint brush

If I wasn’t going to sleep right now I bet there would be more! Any advice on dealing with all of the above and making it through this alive bad in one (hopefully sane) is much appreciated!

What They Don’t Tell You About IVF: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

**Update! Thank you so much for visiting my blog! I recently wanted to do MORE to bring awareness to the infertility community and be a positive force in motivating, encouraging and supporting others. I have created an Etsy shop called Inspired By Bug and have an entire section devoted to IVF and Infertility merchandise. More listings are being added every day! Please take a moment and have a look!**

I have been meaning to write this post for a while and now seeing as we have one year of infertility, one surgery, several procedures and two IVF cycles under our belt, I would like to think we have learned a thing or two. There are many websites and blogs out there with people journaling their experiences and giving advice. Over the past year I have read enough information to fill several books. What I read has been invaluable and I definitely learned a lot. I felt we were as prepared as we could be going into IVF for the first time. With all of that said, I feel like a few things could have been mentioned more, because I either didn’t know anything about it or I didn’t fully grasp what the advice was telling me. This post is hopefully going to give some insight into some of the less glamorous happenings that occur while trying to conceive…in a Petri dish. These are the things we wish we had known. While most of these will be from my perspective, Chris did have some insights he wanted to add as well. These may not happen to everyone, but if they do you are not alone! I am going to go ahead and let you know, this is going to be a long post.

Disclaimer: This post is intended to help out our IVF and TTC sisters and community. If you know us in real life and prefer not to know too much about…well…too much, I suggest you stop reading now. This is about to get real…like REALLY freakin’ real. Consider yourself warned.

Let’s get to it! What I wish I had known…

1. After the HCG trigger shot, you will not poop for four whole days. Yes, for me, BOTH times…I did not poop for four entire days. When I was finally able to, it was very painful because I was sore from egg retrieval and my ovaries were still incredibly large. When I was finally able to poop, I couldn’t be far from the bathroom because I pooped so much. So many times. I am literally not exaggerating.
2. You will get hemorrhoids. Due to the whole not pooping thing as well as all the hormones being pumped on your body, you may experience hemorrhoids. If you have never had one before, it might take you off guard. During both cycles, I had hemorrhoids that actually ruptured, which makes for an even lovelier mess. We will get to that later.
3. IVF medications can give you gray hair. This is one I found out recently. Yesterday I found my first gray hair. Actually, it was white. Chris pulled it out and then proceeded to find a whole slew of them all clustered together all while laughing at me. I was NOT amused. I immediately went to Dr. Google and found out that, indeed, IVF medications can cause gray hair.
4. The places where PIO shots were given will be numb and itch for weeks after. I knew the PIO shots would suck. Literally every blog or article I read told me they would suck. The first few days were not picnic in the park, but the longer I had to have them the worse they got. What no one told me, is that it would still suck WEEKS after stopping the injections. My last PIO was on June 15th. I just got feeling back in the areas where they were injected. It is normal, just unexpected.
5. Your period after egg retrieval/failed cycle will not be like a normal period. This one kind of seems like a no-brainer, but I wasn’t fully informed as to the extent of how heavy it would be. I have had heavy periods ever since I started, but they don’t compare to this. After IVF#1 failed, I started my period and I passed a clot the size of my palm! That is not an exaggeration! I continued to pass huge clots and pad changing was frequent because (surprise!) tampons are a no-no. I ruined several pairs of underwear…and pants…and sheets…
6. You will feel an unexpected primal instinct to be reunited with your embryos. This one caught me off guard. I thought I would feel anxious to do the transfer so we would be one step closer. In reality, I felt a primal urge to have my embryos back inside me where they would be safe and sound. In IVF#2, I felt the same way until I knew they were safely frozen and secure. This feeling took me over for those few days. I can only imagine this feeling is akin to how a mother feels when separated from her baby for the first time.
7. You will have many, many people see your lady bits. Again, this one seems like a no-brainer. Of course people are going to be down there poking around. I am talking about the amount of people. During my HSG, I was exposed to my doctor, two nurses, four students and two radiology techs. During my SIS, I was exposed to my doctor, different nurse and ultrasound tech. During my mock transfer, I was exposed to my doctor’s fellow and two different nurses. If you are counting we are at 14 different sets of eyes on my hooha and we haven’t even started the cycle yet! Each monitoring appointment was with either one of two ultra sound techs. But wait! They were training two new techs and a new fellow joined the practice. We are now up to 19 sets of eyes. Egg retrieval day arrives and now we have my fellow, the head doctor, two nurses, the anesthesiology nurse and the embryologist. The second egg retrieval I had a different fellow there but luckily everyone else was the same. The transfer at least had the same doctor, embryologist and nurse. All in all, in the past 4 months I believe 22 different people have seen my lady bits. Honestly, there could have been more…
8. You will no longer care who sees your vagina. Remember when you were younger and were afraid of the gynecologist and swore you were never giving birth because you didn’t want anyone to see your vagina? Yeah, you won’t care about that anymore. You will wear a dress to every appointment so all you have to do is take off your undies. You will be in those stirrups so fast, hooha to the sky. You will let anyone and everyone down there if it means it will get you a baby.
9. If you only have a few good veins, save the best one for your IV. This one I learned the hard way. I only have two good veins and due to all the blood work, by the time I got to egg retrieval both of my veins were shot. The nurse blew my best vein while trying to insert the IV. If you are a needlephobe like me (or hate IVs), do yourself a favor and save that vein. I did that for the second IVF cycle and it went a lot smoother.
10. You will say crazy things under anesthesia and the doctors will laugh at you. Apparently I was a comedian while under anesthesia. The whole room was laughing so hard that Chris, who was sitting on the other side of the door, was quite confused. I remember nothing. I still don’t know what I was saying, but am kind of glad that I don’t.
11. You will say things that don’t make sense and you will feel irrational emotions. Another given, but I didn’t realize the extent. Let’s just say that I cried hysterically for an hour because I was convinced my husband was angry with me for not wearing pants…he was not angry, nor did he care if I was wearing pants. I also took one look at my boss and burst into tears at work because I thought I would let the team down because I might not be able to get 10,000 steps a day with my FitBit. She immediately took me off the floor to a storage closet to make sure I was okay. I simultaneously laughed and cried while trying to explain my emotions. She finally told me, in the nicest way possible, to go home.
12. Do not pee on a stick. They are like Pringles, once you start you just can’t stop. For real. Do. Not. Pee. On. A. Stick. Just wait for the beta. I know, it’s WAY easier said than done, but I bought out the Dollar Store of all their tests and peed on sticks like 4 times a day. All it did was make me crazy. I was so much calmer and more at peace before I peed on a stick. Take my word for it. Don’t do it.
13. You will get acne. I unfortunately have had acne most of my life. I was able to get it under control over the past several years using Proactiv. Well, no face wash is going to save you from the acne that will occur during your cycle. Invest in some old school Clean and Clear face wash and makeup concealer.
14. You may get a yeast infection. I didn’t get one on cycle one but I did on cycle two. Amidst all the other side effects going on, a yeast infection is like icing on top of the proverbial cake. To add insult to injury, you can’t use any OTC products for relief. No Monistat for you! Coconut oil helps the itching and a call to doc for Diflucan should get it under control. Don’t be surprised if it doesn’t completely go away until your cycle is over.
15. You have to be your own advocate. A lot of stuff happens all at once and a ton of information will be thrown your way. Take it upon yourself to get organized. Get a planner. Write everything down so you can reference later if more cycles are needed. Save all receipts, paperwork and injection instructions. Educate yourself. Ask questions. You are in charge of the process and can say how fast or how slow you want to move ahead with procedures. Nurses have a lot of patients and you help them to help you by having any information needed at your fingertips.
16. You will become closer to your significant other. Infertility is truly one of the things that can make or break a marriage. If you have gotten as far as IVF, hopefully you and your significant other are on the same page with fertility treatments and options. Every day of our journey I fall more and more in love with my husband. The support and patience that he has shown me, the grace in the face of adversity and the humor that he brings to every situation have kept me positive and helped me stay strong. We have learned to communicate more effectively and express our emotions. We have learned to compromise and be more compassionate towards each other. We have always jokingly called ourselves a Team. (We have a team name but I am keeping that between us). We clean as a team, we run errands as a team, we are on this IVF marathon as a team and we will cross the finish line as a team.
17. You will have to learn an entirely new language. So this might be a bit of an exaggeration, but there are so many new medical terms to learn as well as their abbreviations. For example, ICSI (inta-cytoplasmic sperm injection), AMH (anti-Mullerian hormone), E2 (estradial blood test), P4 (progesterone blood test) and many, many more. Not to mention in the TTC (trying to conceive) community online there is lingo there as well: BFP/BFN (big fat positive/big fat negative), POAS (pee on a stick) and 2WW (two week wait). In order to help understand this new language, I created a cheat sheet for reference, see here.
18. If the doctor says, “you will experience a little cramping” that means you are going to hurt something fierce. For whatever reason, the doctors think that if they say you are only going to hurt a little bit, that will reassure you. This is a lie. I don’t know if its just that they have never experienced the procedures themselves, or they are just naive, but they hurt. Be prepared. If the doctor advises you to take Ibuprofen before a procedure…DO IT! You will feel mildly less pain, but it will still suck. With that being said, just remember why you are doing this. The end goal is your sweet baby.
19. If you are a needlephobe (like me), it truly isn’t as bad as you think. For real. Yes, it is scary. And yes some of those needles are huge (ahem…PIO)…but you will get through it. If you find what works for you, it makes the process so much easier. For me, a combination of lidocaine cream and ice helped me not feel the needles and I would listen to IVF meditation in order to distract myself and focus on my breathing. By doing this, the nightly shots because quick and easy. Pleasant? No. Doable? Absolutely.
20. Expect the Unexpected. (Anyone catch the Big Brother reference?) I am dead serious though. Just when you think ahead and are planning and predicting things…BAM!!…a curve ball is thrown your way. I am not a patient person and I also do not like surprises. This process has been very trying for me. From the whole sperm/no sperm fiasco, to the plummeting estrogen level, we have experienced our fair share of unexpected happenings. We have had to trust in the process and trust in God. We have learned to take each day in stride. I knew going into this, that everything is a delicate balance and is unpredictable, however I didn’t realize that it would be like that literally every day.
21. At some point before egg retrieval you may not be able to walk. Your ovaries will be huge. And I mean HUGE, like the size of two bunches of grapes. This will make it difficult to use the restroom without feeling like your ovaries are going to fall out of your vagina (don’t worry, they won’t). It can be difficult and painful to stand up from a seated position. Laying down can be uncomfortable. By the end of my first retrieval, the only way I could walk was a bit hunched over and on my tip toes. Every movement made my ovaries bounce and it was incredibly uncomfortable. Going into my second retrieval, I could hardly walk. After my second retrieval, I was basically immobile, however that was thanks to my ovary deciding to hide behind my retrograded uterus and giving everyone a scare, for that story click here, here and here.

I think that is enough food for thought for now. I am sure as soon as I post this, I will think of more things. If there is anything that you wished you had known before IVF or any fertility treatment, please comment below and let me know!

FET#1 Here we come!

And we are back on the birth control! It really is comical how much birth control we have to be on while trying to have a baby! I had to wait for CD3 to start back up. Aunt Flo was awful, as expected. I was quite shocked at how horrible it was after IVF#1, so I was prepared after IVF#2. I was able to start back on NuvaRing last night. I also spoke with the nurse. I am scheduled for my baseline ultrasound and blood work on August 31st. If everything looks good, I will start estrogen on September 2nd. The nurse said the transfer would most likely be sometime around the first of October.

Initially, I was a bit disappointed because I thought that the FET would move a lot faster. They made it seem that it would be within a few weeks, not six weeks. Then I started thinking about it and I am glad that we are going to have a bit of a longer break than expected. First off, this round of hormones did a lot to my body and I want to make sure we give my body adequate time to get back to normal, especially after “the baseball-sized ovary hiding behind my uterus” fiasco (to read about that click here, here and here). Second, it gives us a little break to just breathe and take some time to enjoy just being the two of us. Fall is my favorite season and there are some things that I want to do before I am pregnant and am limited to what I can do. Third, we have been doing such a good job over the past few months of finally getting our house in order and I want to be able to finish that. I want to finish painting and changing fixtures and helping Chris out so he doesn’t have to do everything by himself. All in all, I think it is a blessing that we are going to need to wait longer than expected.

I was asked the other day if I was anxious and nervous for the FET and if this waiting period was going to be hard. I am not anxious at all for the transfer. Now that we have experienced one, I know how easy it is and what to expect. Of course I am excited to be reunited with our snowbabies and be pregnant, but I am not nearly as anxious as I was last time for the transfer. I feel at peace. I know our snowbabies are safely tucked away in the freezer and they are going to come to no harm. I was more anxious last time because they were still growing and I wanted to make sure they would make it to have a chance inside me. This time, I know how good they are and where they are and I know they are safe and sound for the next few weeks while we get my body and our life back in order in preparation for bringing them into this world.

It may be quiet on the blogging front for the next few weeks as I most likely won’t have much to update on. We are just going to take this time for ourselves and try and relax a little bit!

More Needles! Acupuncture Begins!

The past few days have been pretty good despite the sad news on Tuesday. Instead of wallowing for the next 5 weeks until we can start our next cycle, I have decided to take this time to focus on my health and do what I can to ensure a successful second cycle. I have been exercising more and am actively involved in my company’s 100 Day Dash which started on Monday. I am also focusing on eating healthier as I let that lapse over the past few weeks during the first cycle. I let myself have whatever I was craving (within moderation) and I need to get back on track. I am also going to use this time to lose some more weight. Even a loss of 5% of body weight can significantly improve chances of pregnancy.

In addition, our doctor recommended I begin acupuncture. This is something I have been looking at and researching for a while. There are many positive studies showing a link between acupuncture and successful fertility treatments and pregnancies. So just when I thought I was done with needles for a while….MORE NEEDLES! I had my first treatment yesterday and it went well. The acupuncturist has a high success rate of treating women going through IVF. It was quite relaxing and I found while I was laying there with all the needles sticking out of me that I was surprisingly at peace. I didn’t have any racing thoughts or anxiousness thinking about everything I have to do that day, which I almost always have whenever I try to go to sleep or meditate. I was just present there in the moment. When the acupuncturist returned, he said “So what questions did you come up with for me?” and I was pleasantly surprised to say “None” because I was able to calm my mind. I am to call him on Monday and let him know how I am feeling and if there is anything I have noticed that has changed. Then we will schedule my second treatment for some time next week. I will go into more detail about acupuncture and Traditional Chinese Medicine as well as what the acupuncturist said about my condition in a future post.

After the acupuncture appointment I headed home and Chris has a surprise for me. He bought me a pair of owl salt and pepper shakers (owls are my good luck charms!), a Manatea (a cute manatee shaped tea holder), a Chromecast so I can stream the Big Brother Live Feeds to the TV (AMAZING!!!) and a really sweet card that said BELIEVE on the front and had a very loving note inside. I was incredibly touched.

We are so thankful for the outpouring of love we have recieved over the past few days. It is amazing to share this journey with everyone. Each and every one of you has sincerely touched our hearts with your prayers and sentiments. Knowing we are not alone in this journey has truly made all the difference in our ability to keep our heads up, remain positive and hopeful and look towards a bright future with our bundle of joy.

In other news, AF officially arrived today and the nurse was NOT kidding when she warned me it was going to be awful. Currently I am curled up at my desk with a heating pad. I may or may not make it through the work day. Since AF arrived, I will go back on birth control on Sunday in order to get everything under control again. I know the next few weeks will go by quickly. We have a trip to the lake planned which will be a nice getaway for us. There is also a lot of things that I want to do before we start IVF#2. I want to get more organized and really do some deep cleaning. I know that will make me less stressed during the cycle. Unfortunately I was not able to do the amount of cleaning and organizing that I wanted to prior to IVF#1 (some of that reason may have been laziness…). Now I know how important it is for me to be surrounded in a peaceful and non-chaotic enviroment, I will push myself to get it done.

I dont know how often I will post over the next few weeks. There won’t be that much news or important happenings, but I do want to stay connected. I may use this as a form of accountability for my health and organizational goals. Stay tuned!Sstarting in Mid-July we will be off to the races again!

And we’re off to the races!!

(Title in honor of the 141st Kentucky Derby! Go American Pharaoh!)

The past month has flown by and it’s truly amazing how much has happened since April 2nd, our first IVF appointment. I have heard that this process can take a while but we are so lucky our fertility clinic is willing to work with us to get the cycle in before our insurance benefit runs out. We are so grateful for that. 

Looking back and seeing how fast the past month has gone I cannot imagine how fast this next month will go. We have about a week of calm before the craziness starts. I am trying to remain calm but there is so much I want to get done in the next week! Chris has been very helpful in quieting my crazy ambitions…like painting the bathrooms…reorganizing the loft…and planting the garden. These are things that don’t need to be done right now. Right now I just need to relax, breathe and enjoy this process because we will hopefully have a bundle of joy at the beginning of next year. 

Here is how the next few weeks are going to pan out…

• May 6th – medications should be ordered and arriving by end of week
• May 11th – IVF back up sample appointment and anesthesia consultation
• May 14th thru 18th – Rock on the Range in Columbus, Ohio
• May 17th – last day of birth control
• May 19th – baseline bloodwork and ultrasound
• May 22nd – start stimming
• May 22nd thru 25th – Lake Cumberland for Memorial Day weekend
• May 26th – bloodwork and ultrasound to monitor response

After the appointing on May 26th everything is up in the air time wise since it will all depend on my response to the medications. Speaking of medications, I don’t know my exact schedule or dosage yet but I do know that I am on a relatively low dose due to the fact that I already have so many follicles and my AMH levels were higher and all other hormones looked great. Since I am at risk for Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS), I will be have a Lupron/HCG trigger which is something I hadn’t read about before. Instead of the typical 10,000 iu of HCG as a trigger I will have a dose of Lupron to initiate an LH surge and complete egg maturation. A smaller dose of HCG (about 1,500 iu) will be mixed in with it. By doing this shot, it will greatly decrease the risk of OHSS so I am all for it! Also, because of this different protocol my medications will be ordered from SMP Fertility instead of Freedom Fertility since SMP will go ahead and mix that trigger shot for me.

From here on out, at least for the next week, we plan on laying low and relaxing and just preparing ourselves for the whirlwind we are about to experience. I am still not feeling 100% after the mock transfer on Tuesday. As of yesterday, I have had some unexpected bleeding and clots as well as cramping and overall fatigue and malaise. If I am not better by Monday I will call the nurse. Hopefully it is just normal and not anything more serious like a uterine infection. Thank you all for the love and support! It means the world to us! Thank you to all who have sent us socks! I will be posting those soon!

Mock Transfer – Part 2

Finally we were taken over to the ultrasound room. I thought I was going to pee my pants my bladder was so full! On the way to the room Dr. Hunter stopped and introduced us to Dr. Christensen, the embryologist. He quickly looked over Chris’s most recent semen analysis results from February and agreed with Dr. Bohler’s recommendation to have a frozen sample on hand just in case. Chris will hopefully be taking care of that soon!

So the room we were taken to was not the normal type of room I was expecting. This is the room where they do the egg retrievals and the embryo transfers. It was cool but intimidating. The exam table was fancier and had the “calf” stirrups rather than the “feet” stirrups. There were many machines and Chris even pointed out a gas mask. I was asked to undress from the waist down and lay on the table. I jumped the gun and was already in the stirrups with the blanket on when the nurse came back in and apparently I didn’t need to be so “exposed” just yet. But hey…my modesty went out the door when we decided to go on this journey.

First thing she said as she scanned my abdomen with the ultrasound was just how full my bladder was! I told her I followed her directions! She wanted me to try and empty a bit out but I told her that once I opened that door there was no stopping it so we just had to work with it. She was having a hard time seeing my uterus since it is retrograded and went ahead and brought Dr. Hunter back in. I made sure to inform him of my newly discovered fear of tenaculums and made him promise not to use one. He got right to work and in went to speculum. As the nurse was trying to find my uterus with the ultrasound again, Dr. Hunter turns to her and says “I’m going to need you to go get me four extra large tenaculums.” I am pretty sure all the color drained from my face. Chris started laughing and it took me a good 15 seconds to realize that the doctor had made a joke. Obviously he has never been up in the stirrups because all women know that is not a great time to joke around. When I realized it was a joke I started to laugh…then almost peed on the doctor…okay I lied…I peed on the doctor a little bit, but let’s be honest he kind of deserved it. One doesn’t joke about tenaculums. If you don’t have a cervix, you don’t know.

So now the fun part. In went the catheter. Maybe I just have a really sensitive cervix, I don’t know, but it hurt bad. I was squeezing Chris’s hand so hard I turned his thumb purple. I have small hands so actually I was just squeezing his thumb…anyways…then the catheter hit my fundus. (Fundus is the top of the uterus and causes severe cramping when touched as the uterus wants to expel what is touching it. It is also a hilarious word to me and I enjoy saying it). I had such bad cramping that I saw stars. I was hoping it would be over quickly…alas my uterus did not want to cooperate. According to the doctor, it was plunging straight down. After several minutes of trying to get a picture of the catheter in my uterus and several more fun jabs to the fundus, Dr. Hunter decided to give up for the day. They can do the embryo transfer by feel without ultrasound guidance they just prefer to use the ultrasound. When my ovaries are big from the stimulation medications there is a chance they will push the top of my uterus up so they are going to try and get a picture during the egg retrieval. The nurse told me that was the last procedure I would have to have without medication! Thank God! All the scary procedure are over and now we came start the real deal!!

More updates to come! Stay tuned! Still have a lot to catch everyone up on!

Saline Infused Sonohystogram (SIS) Results!!

Update! Forgot to show the socks I chose! 

Today was the second (and last) procedure to clear us for IVF. It was a Saline Infused Sonohysterogram, which is basically a really long name to say they had to put saline in my uterus to see if there were polyps, scar tissue, fibroids, or anything else that might prevent a baby from implanting.
I went to this one by myself as Chris couldn’t get off work. I wasn’t as nervous. I called the nurse on Saturday and again yesterday to make sure they would NOT be using the claw of death aka tenaculum. I was assured they would not. However, when I get back into the room, what do I see on the tray?…

Yup that’s the tenaculum. The nurse a assured me that it’s just standard to put it out. Luckily they didn’t have to use it.

Before the doctor came in the ultrasound technician took some pictures of my uterus with the transvaginal ultrasound. I have a retrograde uterus meaning that it tilts backwards. Today it just so happened to be tilting very far backwards so it was a little harder to get the pictures she needed. She also took pictures of my ovaries. My right one had 14 follicles and my left one had 18. That’s a lot. Women without PCOS typically have around 8 and anything about 12 is considered suspicious of PCOS. It bodes well for getting a lot of eggs though!

An ovary. The dark spots are follicles.

After the ultrasound technician was done she went and got Dr. Ehlers. Just like with the HSG, she inserted the speculum and swabbed my cervix with iodine. She inserted the catheter which was painful, but not as painful as the tenaculum. The speculum was then removed and the transvaginal ultrasound put back in. Dr. Ehlers then put some saline into my uterus. This caused some cramping. Apparently there was a balloon in the catheter because she kept having to pump it up and add saline since my uterus was tilted backwards. She told me everytime she was going to do this and it hurt very badly each time. The whole procedure took about 10 mins or so and there was immediate relief when the catheter was removed (which didn’t hurt at all). Dr. Ehlers said everything looked really good and there were no polyps or fibroids or anything!!

So what’s next? Well I am all checked out and there are no issues with me or anything that needs to be fixed, so we are cleared for IVF (provided I continue to lose weight – I am down 5 of the required 12lbs). We meet with Dr. Ehlers next Tuesday to discuss our IVF protocol and our cycle!! It’s getting more real each appointment!

My thoughts going into this adventure (from the Male perspective)

As I’ve gotten older, it’s getting easier and easier for me to express myself and talk about my feelings.  With that said, my wife thought it might be a good idea for me to take a moment and talk about my feelings about our impending journey.

A lot has happened in the last year or so that has really changed my perspective on quite a number of things.  I was at one point REALLY burnt out on all this fertility stuff.  I had no interest to be apart of any conversations or treatments, I just wanted it all to go away.  I wanted to go back to the way things were, when I didn’t want to have kids yet, and when it wasn’t something I thought about every single day.  As it turns out, being a grown up means you have to be emotionally intelligent and have to be mature enough to accept things the way they are and move forward despite things not going exactly the way you want them to go.

That has been the hardest thing for me…that part about accepting things.  Acceptance regarding our fertility situation has been the biggest obstacle for me, as a man.  Up to this point, I AM the reason we are unable to have children.  I think it would be easier for me to accept if my wife had the issues, because it wouldn’t be her fault.  It’s not like she has done something to herself to bring about infertility in our marriage.  For me, I was diagnosed with the varicocele back when I was younger and the urologist told me then, “If you get older and decide you want to have kids, you will want to have this checked out because it can cause fertility issues”.  Back then, I had ZERO interest in being a father or raising a child.  I was having fun being a kid.  I never thought about marriage, or kids, or being an adult…its just not something I ever considered.  We all know hindsight is 20/20 and if I could ever go back and change anything, I would change my attitude towards that diagnosis and take proactive steps to correct it.

I cannot accept that I have had the opportunity all these years to do something about this and I waited until I was ready to have kids to find out that the situation was quite dire (at the time) and when a doctor says “you’ll never be able to conceive on your own”…its crushing.  That kind of weight is very heavy.

All those negative thoughts have become less of an issue, but they are still with me and I cannot forget them.  I try to block them out and forget that we have issues and act like everything will be okay, but it’s very difficult to keep a smile on and be happy and excited about things sometimes.

At the end of the day, I do understand that there is a plan for us, I just wish I knew what that plan was…

So there’s my short little rant…as far as how I feel about our impending journey to start IVF, I am actually optimistic about it (thank you Zoloft).  I am kind of excited to see what will happen and I know I will be the biggest cry baby when we find out we’re having our first child (or children…)

For the next few days, all I can focus on is our appointment tomorrow with the fertility Dr. and my Wildcats potentially winning ANOTHER NATIONAL TITLE!

#BBN #WildcatBaby

-Chris

 

 

 

The Results

February 13th, which just happens to be Friday the 13th, finally rolled around and it is test day. Chris went downtown in the morning and we knew they would have the results of the semen analysis that same day, however we would have to wait until our appt with Dr. Shep on the 18th to find them out. I felt eerily calm. I thought, what will be will be. This will determine if we can have a biological child of Chris’s or not.  At least we will know one way or the other. 

We made it through the weekend without trying to think about it too much but by Monday morning I just couldn’t wait any longer. I emailed my angel at Dr. Shep’s office at 7am asking if she could fax me the results as we couldn’t wait any longer. She immediately replied “What number would you like me to send the happy fax to? :)”. She said happy fax…HAPPY fax!! I was so excited I thought I was going to pee myself. It took 5 whole minutes for that fax to come through. I stared at that screen unblinking until it arrived.

Then all of a sudden…there it was!! The three month wait was over!! He was in the normal guidelines for most things, his motility was 70% which is AMAZING, but above all he had swimmers!!! There were not many… there were only 20 on the slide and sperm is usually measured in the millions, but THEY WERE PRESENT!! I was so happy I was crying and I was also surrounded by new coworkers in the office so it did get a tad awkward for a minute. I immediately called Chris to tell him. I don’t think it sunk in for him for several days afterwards. But that day I knew I wanted to do something special to celebrate, especially since he didn’t seem all that excited with the news. What better way to celebrate than with a cookie cake with sperm on it!!

   

No I did not make the bakery draw those on. That was his first question. 

So we celebrated my birthday the next day (17th) and then the following morning (18th) we headed to Dr. Shep’s office to see where we go from here. Dr. Shep was extremely pleased with Chris’s test results. He said for a condition of azoospermia this severe, a varicocelectomy only has about a 10% success rate!! He said that the count is not enough for IUI and that our only option for a biological child would be IVF with ICSI. He referred us to Dr. Bohler at University of Louisville Women’s Health. Dr. Shep is the best male factor infertility doctor in the eastern United States and people come from all over to see him. His opinion and recommendations hold a great amount of weight. He repeatedly said, although there are many fertility doctors around that we could see, Dr. Bohler is the one we need to see for our particular situation. 

We left Dr. Shep’s office with mixed emotions. There was some sadness and disappointment that we wouldn’t be able to conceive naturally after the surgery. There was also disappointment that we wouldn’t be able to go through less strenuous and less expensive ways of becoming pregnant with medical assistance. But admist all of that there was hope! I will be able to carry my husband’s child! That is a miracle! After a year of doubting and hoping and praying, we finally knew there was a chance! I immediately called Dr. Bohler’s office that afternoon and set up our first consultation. The earliest appt was April 2nd. As of writing this, that is two days away. Actually since out appt is in the morning, this time in two days we should know where we go from here and officially be starting our IVF journey. 

I am equally excited and nervous. I’m sure I will have to undergo several tests because we don’t know how much of a factor my own fertility is, specifically my PCOS. But due to the fact that we don’t have another option other than IVF with ICSI, I am hoping that we can start a cycle sooner rather than later!! Here goes nothing!! Now everyone is caught up we can embark on this journey together and hopefully find our happy ending!!

Much love and baby dust,

– A