FET#1 Update – Transfer on hold for the Holidays

I know it’s been a week since I last posted and I kind of left everyone hanging. It has been a very hectic week and I am still getting over this sickness so every spare minute has been spent sleeping and trying to recuperate.

So as we know, last Tuesday (3rd) I went in for an ultrasound to see where Aunt Flo was and they found a 5 cm cysts on my right ovary. They brought me back in later that day for blood work because apparently I had ovulated. They didn’t call me the next day, but I did see my progesterone lab posted online. It was 9.2 ng which means that I definitely ovulated (which is still just insane to me). The nurse didn’t call until late Thursday afternoon. They confirmed that I ovulated and said that my beta was negative. She said that I should start my period soon but if I don’t start in 7 days to call back and they would put me back on Provera. Well, within a few hours of hanging up with the nurse, I start spotting. I spotted all weekend and Aunt Flo has officially arrived in full force as of today. I forgot how painful cramps can be. Especially when I haven’t had a period in 3 months.

I just talked to the nurse again this morning and I will put in my NuvaRing on Friday so we won’t be playing “chase Aunt Flo” again. But timing is really tricky and we had to spend some time figuring everything out on the calendar. We are aiming for a transfer the second full week of January which is the 11th – 16th. Since I am on a Letrozole prep that means that my CD19 needs to fall within that week. We also need to have a CD3 (could be scanned between CD2 – CD5, but CD3 is ideal) and CD12 ultrasound when the doctor’s office is open. They are closed on Sundays, Christmas Eve, Christmas, half day New Years Eve and closed New Years Day…are you starting to see my dilemma? It is more confusing than a normal FET because of using Letrozole instead of hormone replacement therapy. So basically, we have to time everything as close as we can, and pick a day for me to take my NuvaRing out. Here is what I came up with and emailed the nurse. I think our safest bet is to take out NuvaRing on Dec 21st:

If I take out the ring on Monday 21^st  here is when I would start my period:

• If I start on the 24^th –
  • Ultrasound on CD3 (Sat 26^th) or CD5 (Mon 28^th)
  • Letrozole CD3 (Sat 26th)  – CD 7 (Wed 30th)
  • Begin Estrace CD8 (Thurs 31st)
  • Ultrasound on CD12 (Mon 4^th)
  • Trigger with HCG on CD12 (Mon 4^th)
  • Ovulate on CD14 (Wed 6th)
  • Begin Crinone 1x daily CD14 (Wed 6th)
  • Transfer on CD19 (Mon 11th)
• If I start on the 25^th – Scans would fall on:
  • Ultrasound on CD2 (Sat 26^th) or CD4 (Mon 28^th)
  • Letrozole CD3 (Sun 27th)  – CD 7 (Thurs 31st)
  • Begin Estrace CD8 (Fri 1st)
  • Ultrasound on CD12 (Tues 5^th)
  • Trigger with HCG on CD12 (Tues 5^th)
  • Ovulate on CD14 (Thurs 7th)
  • Begin Crinone 1x daily CD14 (Thurs 7th)
  • Transfer on CD19 (Tues 12th)
• If I start on the 26^th –
  • Ultrasound on CD3 (Mon 28^th)
  • Letrozole CD3 (Mon 28th) – CD7 (Fri 1st)
  • Begin Estrace CD8 (Sat 2nd)
  • Ultrasound on CD12 (Wed 6^th)
  • Trigger with HCG on CD12 (Wed 6th)
  • Ovulate on CD14 (Fri 8th)
  • Begin Crinone 1x daily CD14 (Fri 8th)
  • Transfer on CD19 (Wed 13th) 
• If I start on the 27^th –
  • Ultrasound on CD3 (Tues 29^th)
  • Letrozole CD3 (Tues 29th) – CD7 (Sat 2nd)
  • Begin Estrace CD8 (Sun 3rd)
  • Ultrasound on CD12 (Thurs 7^th)
  • Trigger with HCG on CD12 (Thurs 7^th)
  • Ovulate on CD14 (Sat 9th)
  • Begin Crinone 1x daily CD14 (Sat 9th)
  • Transfer on CD19 (Thurs 14th)

This will give us some flexibility since it takes me between 4-6 days after taking NuvaRing out to start my period. Plus it gives flexibility if I am not ready to trigger on CD12 and need a few more days. If all of that confused you, you are not alone. It is no joke trying to plan something that is pretty much “unplannable” especially around the holidays and office closings. But that is where it stands at the moment. For now, I am going to enjoy my hot baths and my wine. I am going to enjoy the holiday season and Dec 21st will be here before I know it!

FET#1 Update – 62 Days and Counting…

Still no Aunt Flo…

It’s like the universe is playing a cruel joke on me. The one time I want her to come, I beg her to come, she is elusive. I keep having cramps, sometimes to the point I am convinced I have started, only to go check and alas…nothing. I talked to the nurse on Thursday. I am scheduled for an ultrasound tomorrow (Tuesday) to see what’s going on. She assured me that I will have a period at some point. The issue is the holidays are coming up. The cut-off for a regular FET cycle is November 4th. Since we are doing a letrozole prep we have a bit more time, but not much. The lab closes down over the holidays for a deep clean. The last day they can do a transfer is December 9th. So basically, Aunt Flo better show up soon or we will have to wait until January to do the transfer…

The thought of waiting until January makes me very sad. I want to be reunited with our snowbabies so badly. I do understand about the lab closing over the holidays…but quite frankly…it sucks. I have thought about some perks to it though. Christmastime is my favorite time of year and it would be nice to have a bit of a break from all the infertility stuff over the holidays. Where I am not concerned with what cycle day it is, or symptom spotting. And, playing devil’s advocate here, say we did transfer December 9th…that means our beta would be right before Christmas. It could mean an awesome Christmas or a very, very sad Christmas. If the babies don’t stick, would that put a damper on all Christmases from here on out? Would I remember every Christmas as the time that we lost our babies…again? I don’t know if I want to deal with that. I am trying to remain positive and thinking it could be the best Christmas gift ever! But what if it isn’t? That tiny voice in the back of my mind keeps saying…what if?

Yes, I listened to Christmas songs on the way to work this morning. Yes, I am that person…

Another perk of waiting until January to transfer would be that I could drink over the holidays. That would be nice! I could focus on myself and maybe shedding a few more pounds before transfer. I am basically talking out loud. I am coming up with all the reasons that it would be good to wait until January because, if history is any indication, nothing goes the way I want it to so why would it change now? I go from feeling dejected about the whole situation to trying to look at the positive. It is so frustrating. We have been on this IVF journey for 6 months. I know many women who have been on it for much longer, but still, 6 months is a long time. Especially when every moment of every day is symptom spotting, injecting medications, cycle day counting, booking appointments, ultrasounds, needle sticks…you get the idea…

So anyway, think of us tomorrow at our ultrasound. Hopefully we won’t get bad news. I don’t really know what to expect. At this point I feel a little lost. A little down. A little frustrated. But, c’est la vie. I will pick myself up and keep trucking along.

Day 1 – Intro and Recent Pic

Recently I have been seeing lots of bloggers do these 31 Day Challenges. I have been wanting to participate, but I hadn’t seen one that piqued my interest until I came across this one. I figured this would be a good month to start this as it would be a nice distraction from all the waiting that is going to take place. Waiting for ultrasounds, waiting for transfer, dreaded two week wait…that’s a whole lot of waiting for a very impatient person. It will also give me a chance to let everyone get to know me a little bit better. Infertility and IVF can take over one’s life and it is important to remember and maintain who we are as individuals while going through this process. We often look at ourselves as statistics and compare ourselves to each other and this can sometimes make us feel like we are lumped in a crowd of people. Sometimes I feel like I have lost a piece of myself while on this journey. Sure I have found many new friends, unknown strength within myself, a new appreciation and a deeper love for my husband, but I feel like some of my uniqueness has been lost in all of the chaos. Hopefully this activity will help bring that back a bit and also act as a distraction during all of this waiting. I hope you all enjoy getting to know me a little bit better!

Me and my Pumpkin Spice Latte taken 4 days ago. No makeup.

Certified Crazy

Three weeks ago today we found out our beta was negative. The wait between the test results and finally being able to see our doctor has been torturous. I thought the 2WW was bad, but waiting to talk to the doctor about why our IVF cycle failed is worse.

By nature I am a worrier. I am a thinker and an analyzer. I think through every possibility and contingency plan of everything in my life. It kind of makes me unbearable to live with sometimes and God forbid something isn’t done the “right way” (aka my way) because the world will stop turning and it will rain hell fire and brimstone…yeah, I have a problem and I own it. Acceptance is the first step, right?

So, why I am telling you this? Because now you can imagine how difficult this entire world of IVF and uncertainty has been for me and how much of a crazy person it has made me. I admit that I kept it together pretty darn well during the actual cycle. But the wait between the results and this appointment has made me a certified insane person. There are two people in my head and at any given moment I don’t know which one is going to take over.

First, there is the logical, rational side of me, let’s call her Sherlock (no explanation needed). Sherlock says that the reason the cycle didn’t work is that we only had two eggs, which made two embryos (amazingly!) and they just stopped growing because they were genetically abnormal. She says that this next cycle will be successful because the doctors can give me more medications, retrieve more eggs, make more embryos, let them grow to blastocysts and then transfer two excellent blasts.

Then, there is the crazy, absurd side of me I have aptly named Lola (because whatever Lola wants, Lola gets). Lola has spent the last three weeks thinking of every possible reason as to why the cycle failed. Some of the reasons she came up with on her own and some were thanks to Dr. Google. Lola has fat-shamed herself, convinced herself that taking Tylenol caused the embies not to implant and blamed herself for the one time she took a hot shower because she forgot she wasn’t supposed to. What if the doctor says that she needs to lose more weight before we try again? What if she needs another procedure, like an endometrial scratch? What if her body rejected the babies and she needs to see a reproductive immunologist and have tests done regarding Natural Killer cells? What if the reason the babies didn’t stay was because she vacuumed during the 2WW? Whatever insane, irrational, unlikely and bizarre reason you can think of, Lola has already thought of it. These thoughts have kept her up at night for the past three weeks.

Can you guess who has triumped during this waiting period?

Hopefully this time tomorrow all my fears will be relieved and we will be on track for Cycle 2 at the end of this month. Until then I will try and keep Lola at bay! Anyone else had these crazy thoughts? I would love to hear them so I know I am not alone!