Maybe Baby 2.0??

I know I have been quiet for the past, oh, I don’t know…year or so! That’s what happens when you finally get your bouncing little miracle! They take all your time!! So worth it, but man, oh, man some days I don’t even get my morning cup of coffee!

So what is this post about? Baby#2! Well, our steps towards getting Baby#2 on board! 

Back in February we did another egg retrieval cycle when Caleb was only 5 months old and we were in the middle of renovating our main floor ourselves. Smart. I know. Anyways, we ended up with 2 snowbabies! We have been patiently waiting until Caleb turned a year old before going back to our RE and discussing transfer.

A few days after Caleb’s birthday we headed to our RE and brought Caleb. He was wearing his The Little Embryo That Could tee and everyone loved it. The receptionist took a picture and sent an email out to the whole staff! We decided to do the same protocol as before, the Letrozole prep for FET. (If you haven’t heard of this, please research it. I found it to be so much better on my body and everyone I have spoken with that has done this approach has had a successful pregnancy!)

I did need to have another Saline Infused Sonogram done to check out my uterus. Luckily this time was a lot less painful than last time! Since our RE is at a teaching hospital, there was the nurse, our RE, a Fellow and a medical student present for the procedure. At one point, they all got quiet and they heads were tilted to the side. They saw something in there that they aren’t sure what it is. Could be scar tissue from my C section, could be a polyp, could just be “junk” as they so eloquently put it. 

That brings us to today! This morning I am going to have a hysteroscopy and polpectomy. They are going to put me under full anesthesia, go in with a scope and remove what isn’t supposed to be in there. Basically make a nice, fresh home for Baby#2. 

With the amount of surgeries I have had in my life, being put to sleep is routine to me. Only this time it’s different. This time I have a son. This time I have a tiny person who will spend his life without his mama if for whatever reason I don’t wake up. I know this is my anxiety getting the best of me and everything with go smoothly and in no time I will be home, curled on the couch with a heating pad and a cup of tea, watching The Real Housewives with my little mama’s boy in my arms. 

Oh! Head over to the Beat Infertility podcast! That link is to our story which is being featured on the podcast TODAY Oct 23rd!! 

I will leave you with some super cute pics of our little man!

Inspired By Bug

In 10 days, my beautiful miracle baby will turn 1 year old! I cannot believe how fast time has flown! He has turned into a kind-hearted sweet little boy whose favorite word is Mama. There is so much I want to write about him as his birthday approaches but that is not what this post is for. 

About three weeks ago, I decided that I wanted to take a leap of faith and start a business that has a good positive message and will hopefully allow me to stay at home with Caleb and his (hopefully) future siblings. So I did a thing…

I created an Etsy shop called Inspired by Bug. Bug is is our nickname for Caleb. I wanted to create clothing and merchandise with a positive message that would support and encourage others, specifically those within the Infertility community. Currently our shop is supporting NICU Awareness Month and donating 20% of our proceeds from our IVF/Infertility section to help support the doctor’s and nurses that care for these tiny miracles.

I am adding new listings everyday and have many things planned for the Infertility Line. One of them being Baby Dust. I purchased a Baby Dust ornament the Christmas before we transferred Caleb and I prayed that that would be the last ornament we put on our Christmas tree without a child. God answered my prayer. I want to provide to others that same hope and encouragement that that small ornament brought to me. 

Currently most of the items are seasonal, inspirational or NICU related however I have two beautiful designs in the shop specific to IVF and Infertility:

The support I have received from the blogging community is beyond words. I looked at my stats prior to starting this post and my blog has been visited over 100,000 times! That is insane! I am beyond thrilled that our story is reaching so many people and that we can provide a ray of hope (and a little humor) along this tiresome an often lonely journey. 

Please take a moment to check out our little shop. Follow us on Instagram @inspiredbybug and join our Facebook group Inspired By Bug VIP to check out deals and giveaways! 

I will not leave you hanging for so long this time! I will be back shortly to talk ALL things Caleb as well as our plans for a sibling! 

Also, our story will be featured on the Beat Infertility podcast on Oct 23rd. The podcast is available on iTunes (and I assume on Android related apps…I don’t know…what can I say? I’m a Mac!)

This is my friend, who has also struggled with Infertility, holding our soon-to-be one year old Caleb! Her shirt says “She Believed She Could and So She Did” and his shirt says “The Little Embryo That Could”

Day 18 – Meaning Behind My Blog Name

This blog was started with the intention of documenting our IVF journey and dealing with diagnosis of azoospermia as well as PCOS. When I started this blog, I couldn’t find very many success stories surrounding IVF and azoospermia. I knew in my heart that this diagnosis wasn’t the end of the journey to parenthood for us, in fact, it was just the beginning. We decided that instead of keeping this private, we would share this with the world. We decided we didn’t want to remain anonymous in the blogosphere and we wanted to share our journey with family, friends and acquaintances. We wanted to share the good, the bad and the ugly on our journey to becoming parents, wherever that may lead and however we come to be parents.

Initially when starting this blog I thought the name Maybe Baby was cutesy and lighthearted. It conveys my playfulness, positivity and wittiness. The blog ended up being titled under Maybe Baby IVF Journey because that is where we started out. We didn’t do any Clomid cycles. We didn’t do any IUIs. We went straight from using an app that tracks my cycle to IVF. That is a HELL of a jump. We were thrown into the world of infertility treatments without a life vest and were about to embark on the hardest, yet most wonderful trek of our lives.

You might be a little confused as to why I used the word “wonderful” to describe our experience thus far. We haven’t had any success, why would I use the word “wonderful”? Because this experience has brought me closer to God, my family and my husband. It has allowed me to become friends with people all over the world and create lasting friendships with other TTC sisters. We have been able to see for ourselves the beginning of life. The first days of our children’s lives have been documented under a microscope. That is so cool! We have become more knowledgeable. We have become more accepting of people’s differences. We have strengthened our stances on many ethical and moral issues in today’s world. We have become humbled and learned to appreciate our blessings everyday. We have become more patient. We have grown up more and become more responsible adults. We have become closer in our marriage and solidified ourselves as a team that together can accomplish anything. We have become more open and willing to help others. There are so many positives to this experience that I cannot begin to list them all here.

This blog started out with the name Maybe Baby IVF Journey, but it will evolve with us. Will it end with IVF? I hope so. I hope this FET will bring us our children. If IVF ends up not being the answer for us, maybe adoption will be. Maybe both IVF and adoption. Who knows?! Either way, this is where we started. This is the path that was given to us by God and we will walk it hand in hand.

Day 17 – Most Proud Moment

My most proud moment? I am not sure. I have been thinking about this for days and still haven’t come up with the answer. There are accomplishments in life that I am proud of: graduating high school with an International Baccalaureate diploma, graduating Cum Laude with a Bachelor’s in Arts in less than 4 years, playing bassoon at university and marrying the love of my life. But I wouldn’t necessarily classify these as my MOST proud moment. I am actually not even sure how I would define it.

To me, “my most proud moment” is worded strangely. I prefer “what am I most proud of.” That is far easier to answer because that opens doors to achievements that are not moments, but rather evolve over time, growing and maturing.

I am proud of my resiliency. I have overcome many obstacles that were designed to knock me down and I have bounced back with flying colors.

I am proud of my optimism. I consider myself a realist and often times in the past I have been perceived as negative. It has taken years of positive thinking and hard work to get to where I am today.

I am proud of my adaptability. I am not the most patient person and over the years I have learned to take things in stride. This is something I am still working on but I pride myself in being able to take what is handed to me and cope with it to the best of my ability.

I am proud of my strength. I didn’t realize just how strong I was until last year. Ever since then, I become stronger each day, both mentally and emotionally.

Day 11 – 15 of My Favorite Things

In no particular order:

1. Porch swings and hammocks, either reading or having tea and good conversation with a friend
2. Super soft blankets, especially up in one freshly out of the dryer
3. Cool Fall days and nights when I can leave the windows open and have fresh air throughout the house
4. When Marley, our cat, curls up at night and I use him as a pillow. He wraps his arms around mine and I put the tip of my finger between his toes
5. Edinburgh, Scotland
6. The time in the morning right before I get up, while snoozing my alarm, and the world is quiet and calm
7. Opening up a package in the mail after forgetting what I ordered, it’s a surprise from myself!
8. The first sip of coffee in the morning and a cup of hot peppermint tea at the end of the day
9. The weightlessness and peace that comes scuba diving under 50 feet of water
10. The way old books smell and feel
11. Thunderstorms and rainy days with the windows open and no where to be
12. The first time I come home after we cleaned the house really well
13. Hot bubble baths
14. When a random distinct smell reminds me of a past memory or feeling and I am transported back in time
15. Receiving an unexpected card or handwritten letter in the mail

Day 3 – Favorite Quote

I have several favorite quotes, but my absolute favorite is the Serenity Prayer. I know it’s technically a prayer and not a quote however it has become my mantra. I even have the first line tattooed on my wrists. It has gotten me through some very dark times and always centers me and helps me regain my control.

Without further ado, here are my favorite quotes:

  
  
  
  
  
  

FET#1 Day 7 – So.Much.Estrogen.

  
This past week has been rough. In many ways, I would rather be doing the stim injections than be on this estrogen. They didn’t make me feel as bad or as crazy. I know that I need to take it, but I dread when 6PM or 6AM rolls around and it’s time for my next dose. Each dose is making me feel worse and I was hoping that my body would get used to it, or that I would get used to the side effects. We are 7 days in and so far, neither of those are in sight.

  
The physical side effects I can handle. I can handle the persistent headache, never-ending nausea, lack of appetite, diarrhea, flu-like symptoms and night sweats. It’s no walk in the park, but those are manageable. I am able to take Tylenol and Peptobismol. I eat small, tolerable meals and rest as much as possible. I drink plenty of fluids and Chris has been picking up my slack around the house so I can rest, relax and not strain myself too much.

The emotional side effects are what are making this so much worse for me. I have been dealing with anxiety for most of my life. It has come in waves over the years and most of the time I have been able to keep it under control or at bay with medications, yoga and/or therapy. Last year was very difficult for both my husband and I (you can read about that here) and we have been able to persevere by relying on each other and getting a little help from Zoloft. I went on it last October because my anxiety got so bad that I didn’t want to leave the house. I wouldn’t answer the phone because I was afraid it was going to be more bad news. For about a month straight last year, every time I answered the phone it was bad test results, a cancer diagnosis, a death…one thing after another. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was always looking over my shoulder just waiting for the next shoe to drop. I couldn’t sleep. The Zoloft was able to help me get perspective on everything and when I discussed with the RE whether or not to stay on it during IVF and pregnancy, we both found the benefits outweighed the risks as the stress the anxiety causes me could negatively affect the pregnancy. That is how bad it was.

  
Each passing day on this estrogen I get worse. My anxiety is coming back and I feel like I am losing perspective on the whole situation again. It’s getting harder for me to joke around. I am not smiling and am not my normal positive self. Which is making dealing with everything with IVF that much harder. If you can’t remain positive and focused on the end game, then each injection and each procedure is that much worse.

  
On a happier note, my parents safely returned from their trip to Europe and they brought back some nice gifts. I collect the Hard Rock Cafe bears and my life’s goal is to have one from every Hard Rock Cafe. So far I have a ton from the states but only London, Edinburgh and Paris from overseas. Well, now I can add Prague and Budapest to that collection! They brought back some shot glasses for Chris and a small bottle of absinthe. The real absinthe with wormwood that’s not sold over in the U.S. I tried it last time I was in England and never again. It was awful. Chris didn’t believe me. He excitedly took a nice, big swig last night and is still paying for it over 12 hours later! He said it was the worst idea he has had in a long time! My parents also brought back some gifts for the babies. They brought a Baby’s First Mozart CD, baby bibs from Hard Rock Cafe in Prague and two little Stieff bears. They are super soft and cuddly! It was so sweet of them to bring gifts for the babies. Hopefully we will be able to give them to them next summer!

Things I have cried at today:

• Bachelor in Paradise – because I really thought Carly and Kirk would make it. Kirk is a jerk…
• House, MD – because the dad had to chose to save mom or baby. He chose baby. 
• I then asked Chris what he would do in the same situation and it turned into me sobbing into his shirt begging him not to kill me
• Cute old people kissing on a commercial
• Because the cat stole my paint brush

If I wasn’t going to sleep right now I bet there would be more! Any advice on dealing with all of the above and making it through this alive bad in one (hopefully sane) is much appreciated!

What They Don’t Tell You About IVF: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

**Update! Thank you so much for visiting my blog! I recently wanted to do MORE to bring awareness to the infertility community and be a positive force in motivating, encouraging and supporting others. I have created an Etsy shop called Inspired By Bug and have an entire section devoted to IVF and Infertility merchandise. More listings are being added every day! Please take a moment and have a look!**

I have been meaning to write this post for a while and now seeing as we have one year of infertility, one surgery, several procedures and two IVF cycles under our belt, I would like to think we have learned a thing or two. There are many websites and blogs out there with people journaling their experiences and giving advice. Over the past year I have read enough information to fill several books. What I read has been invaluable and I definitely learned a lot. I felt we were as prepared as we could be going into IVF for the first time. With all of that said, I feel like a few things could have been mentioned more, because I either didn’t know anything about it or I didn’t fully grasp what the advice was telling me. This post is hopefully going to give some insight into some of the less glamorous happenings that occur while trying to conceive…in a Petri dish. These are the things we wish we had known. While most of these will be from my perspective, Chris did have some insights he wanted to add as well. These may not happen to everyone, but if they do you are not alone! I am going to go ahead and let you know, this is going to be a long post.

Disclaimer: This post is intended to help out our IVF and TTC sisters and community. If you know us in real life and prefer not to know too much about…well…too much, I suggest you stop reading now. This is about to get real…like REALLY freakin’ real. Consider yourself warned.

Let’s get to it! What I wish I had known…

1. After the HCG trigger shot, you will not poop for four whole days. Yes, for me, BOTH times…I did not poop for four entire days. When I was finally able to, it was very painful because I was sore from egg retrieval and my ovaries were still incredibly large. When I was finally able to poop, I couldn’t be far from the bathroom because I pooped so much. So many times. I am literally not exaggerating.
2. You will get hemorrhoids. Due to the whole not pooping thing as well as all the hormones being pumped on your body, you may experience hemorrhoids. If you have never had one before, it might take you off guard. During both cycles, I had hemorrhoids that actually ruptured, which makes for an even lovelier mess. We will get to that later.
3. IVF medications can give you gray hair. This is one I found out recently. Yesterday I found my first gray hair. Actually, it was white. Chris pulled it out and then proceeded to find a whole slew of them all clustered together all while laughing at me. I was NOT amused. I immediately went to Dr. Google and found out that, indeed, IVF medications can cause gray hair.
4. The places where PIO shots were given will be numb and itch for weeks after. I knew the PIO shots would suck. Literally every blog or article I read told me they would suck. The first few days were not picnic in the park, but the longer I had to have them the worse they got. What no one told me, is that it would still suck WEEKS after stopping the injections. My last PIO was on June 15th. I just got feeling back in the areas where they were injected. It is normal, just unexpected.
5. Your period after egg retrieval/failed cycle will not be like a normal period. This one kind of seems like a no-brainer, but I wasn’t fully informed as to the extent of how heavy it would be. I have had heavy periods ever since I started, but they don’t compare to this. After IVF#1 failed, I started my period and I passed a clot the size of my palm! That is not an exaggeration! I continued to pass huge clots and pad changing was frequent because (surprise!) tampons are a no-no. I ruined several pairs of underwear…and pants…and sheets…
6. You will feel an unexpected primal instinct to be reunited with your embryos. This one caught me off guard. I thought I would feel anxious to do the transfer so we would be one step closer. In reality, I felt a primal urge to have my embryos back inside me where they would be safe and sound. In IVF#2, I felt the same way until I knew they were safely frozen and secure. This feeling took me over for those few days. I can only imagine this feeling is akin to how a mother feels when separated from her baby for the first time.
7. You will have many, many people see your lady bits. Again, this one seems like a no-brainer. Of course people are going to be down there poking around. I am talking about the amount of people. During my HSG, I was exposed to my doctor, two nurses, four students and two radiology techs. During my SIS, I was exposed to my doctor, different nurse and ultrasound tech. During my mock transfer, I was exposed to my doctor’s fellow and two different nurses. If you are counting we are at 14 different sets of eyes on my hooha and we haven’t even started the cycle yet! Each monitoring appointment was with either one of two ultra sound techs. But wait! They were training two new techs and a new fellow joined the practice. We are now up to 19 sets of eyes. Egg retrieval day arrives and now we have my fellow, the head doctor, two nurses, the anesthesiology nurse and the embryologist. The second egg retrieval I had a different fellow there but luckily everyone else was the same. The transfer at least had the same doctor, embryologist and nurse. All in all, in the past 4 months I believe 22 different people have seen my lady bits. Honestly, there could have been more…
8. You will no longer care who sees your vagina. Remember when you were younger and were afraid of the gynecologist and swore you were never giving birth because you didn’t want anyone to see your vagina? Yeah, you won’t care about that anymore. You will wear a dress to every appointment so all you have to do is take off your undies. You will be in those stirrups so fast, hooha to the sky. You will let anyone and everyone down there if it means it will get you a baby.
9. If you only have a few good veins, save the best one for your IV. This one I learned the hard way. I only have two good veins and due to all the blood work, by the time I got to egg retrieval both of my veins were shot. The nurse blew my best vein while trying to insert the IV. If you are a needlephobe like me (or hate IVs), do yourself a favor and save that vein. I did that for the second IVF cycle and it went a lot smoother.
10. You will say crazy things under anesthesia and the doctors will laugh at you. Apparently I was a comedian while under anesthesia. The whole room was laughing so hard that Chris, who was sitting on the other side of the door, was quite confused. I remember nothing. I still don’t know what I was saying, but am kind of glad that I don’t.
11. You will say things that don’t make sense and you will feel irrational emotions. Another given, but I didn’t realize the extent. Let’s just say that I cried hysterically for an hour because I was convinced my husband was angry with me for not wearing pants…he was not angry, nor did he care if I was wearing pants. I also took one look at my boss and burst into tears at work because I thought I would let the team down because I might not be able to get 10,000 steps a day with my FitBit. She immediately took me off the floor to a storage closet to make sure I was okay. I simultaneously laughed and cried while trying to explain my emotions. She finally told me, in the nicest way possible, to go home.
12. Do not pee on a stick. They are like Pringles, once you start you just can’t stop. For real. Do. Not. Pee. On. A. Stick. Just wait for the beta. I know, it’s WAY easier said than done, but I bought out the Dollar Store of all their tests and peed on sticks like 4 times a day. All it did was make me crazy. I was so much calmer and more at peace before I peed on a stick. Take my word for it. Don’t do it.
13. You will get acne. I unfortunately have had acne most of my life. I was able to get it under control over the past several years using Proactiv. Well, no face wash is going to save you from the acne that will occur during your cycle. Invest in some old school Clean and Clear face wash and makeup concealer.
14. You may get a yeast infection. I didn’t get one on cycle one but I did on cycle two. Amidst all the other side effects going on, a yeast infection is like icing on top of the proverbial cake. To add insult to injury, you can’t use any OTC products for relief. No Monistat for you! Coconut oil helps the itching and a call to doc for Diflucan should get it under control. Don’t be surprised if it doesn’t completely go away until your cycle is over.
15. You have to be your own advocate. A lot of stuff happens all at once and a ton of information will be thrown your way. Take it upon yourself to get organized. Get a planner. Write everything down so you can reference later if more cycles are needed. Save all receipts, paperwork and injection instructions. Educate yourself. Ask questions. You are in charge of the process and can say how fast or how slow you want to move ahead with procedures. Nurses have a lot of patients and you help them to help you by having any information needed at your fingertips.
16. You will become closer to your significant other. Infertility is truly one of the things that can make or break a marriage. If you have gotten as far as IVF, hopefully you and your significant other are on the same page with fertility treatments and options. Every day of our journey I fall more and more in love with my husband. The support and patience that he has shown me, the grace in the face of adversity and the humor that he brings to every situation have kept me positive and helped me stay strong. We have learned to communicate more effectively and express our emotions. We have learned to compromise and be more compassionate towards each other. We have always jokingly called ourselves a Team. (We have a team name but I am keeping that between us). We clean as a team, we run errands as a team, we are on this IVF marathon as a team and we will cross the finish line as a team.
17. You will have to learn an entirely new language. So this might be a bit of an exaggeration, but there are so many new medical terms to learn as well as their abbreviations. For example, ICSI (inta-cytoplasmic sperm injection), AMH (anti-Mullerian hormone), E2 (estradial blood test), P4 (progesterone blood test) and many, many more. Not to mention in the TTC (trying to conceive) community online there is lingo there as well: BFP/BFN (big fat positive/big fat negative), POAS (pee on a stick) and 2WW (two week wait). In order to help understand this new language, I created a cheat sheet for reference, see here.
18. If the doctor says, “you will experience a little cramping” that means you are going to hurt something fierce. For whatever reason, the doctors think that if they say you are only going to hurt a little bit, that will reassure you. This is a lie. I don’t know if its just that they have never experienced the procedures themselves, or they are just naive, but they hurt. Be prepared. If the doctor advises you to take Ibuprofen before a procedure…DO IT! You will feel mildly less pain, but it will still suck. With that being said, just remember why you are doing this. The end goal is your sweet baby.
19. If you are a needlephobe (like me), it truly isn’t as bad as you think. For real. Yes, it is scary. And yes some of those needles are huge (ahem…PIO)…but you will get through it. If you find what works for you, it makes the process so much easier. For me, a combination of lidocaine cream and ice helped me not feel the needles and I would listen to IVF meditation in order to distract myself and focus on my breathing. By doing this, the nightly shots because quick and easy. Pleasant? No. Doable? Absolutely.
20. Expect the Unexpected. (Anyone catch the Big Brother reference?) I am dead serious though. Just when you think ahead and are planning and predicting things…BAM!!…a curve ball is thrown your way. I am not a patient person and I also do not like surprises. This process has been very trying for me. From the whole sperm/no sperm fiasco, to the plummeting estrogen level, we have experienced our fair share of unexpected happenings. We have had to trust in the process and trust in God. We have learned to take each day in stride. I knew going into this, that everything is a delicate balance and is unpredictable, however I didn’t realize that it would be like that literally every day.
21. At some point before egg retrieval you may not be able to walk. Your ovaries will be huge. And I mean HUGE, like the size of two bunches of grapes. This will make it difficult to use the restroom without feeling like your ovaries are going to fall out of your vagina (don’t worry, they won’t). It can be difficult and painful to stand up from a seated position. Laying down can be uncomfortable. By the end of my first retrieval, the only way I could walk was a bit hunched over and on my tip toes. Every movement made my ovaries bounce and it was incredibly uncomfortable. Going into my second retrieval, I could hardly walk. After my second retrieval, I was basically immobile, however that was thanks to my ovary deciding to hide behind my retrograded uterus and giving everyone a scare, for that story click here, here and here.

I think that is enough food for thought for now. I am sure as soon as I post this, I will think of more things. If there is anything that you wished you had known before IVF or any fertility treatment, please comment below and let me know!

FET#1 Here we come!

And we are back on the birth control! It really is comical how much birth control we have to be on while trying to have a baby! I had to wait for CD3 to start back up. Aunt Flo was awful, as expected. I was quite shocked at how horrible it was after IVF#1, so I was prepared after IVF#2. I was able to start back on NuvaRing last night. I also spoke with the nurse. I am scheduled for my baseline ultrasound and blood work on August 31st. If everything looks good, I will start estrogen on September 2nd. The nurse said the transfer would most likely be sometime around the first of October.

Initially, I was a bit disappointed because I thought that the FET would move a lot faster. They made it seem that it would be within a few weeks, not six weeks. Then I started thinking about it and I am glad that we are going to have a bit of a longer break than expected. First off, this round of hormones did a lot to my body and I want to make sure we give my body adequate time to get back to normal, especially after “the baseball-sized ovary hiding behind my uterus” fiasco (to read about that click here, here and here). Second, it gives us a little break to just breathe and take some time to enjoy just being the two of us. Fall is my favorite season and there are some things that I want to do before I am pregnant and am limited to what I can do. Third, we have been doing such a good job over the past few months of finally getting our house in order and I want to be able to finish that. I want to finish painting and changing fixtures and helping Chris out so he doesn’t have to do everything by himself. All in all, I think it is a blessing that we are going to need to wait longer than expected.

I was asked the other day if I was anxious and nervous for the FET and if this waiting period was going to be hard. I am not anxious at all for the transfer. Now that we have experienced one, I know how easy it is and what to expect. Of course I am excited to be reunited with our snowbabies and be pregnant, but I am not nearly as anxious as I was last time for the transfer. I feel at peace. I know our snowbabies are safely tucked away in the freezer and they are going to come to no harm. I was more anxious last time because they were still growing and I wanted to make sure they would make it to have a chance inside me. This time, I know how good they are and where they are and I know they are safe and sound for the next few weeks while we get my body and our life back in order in preparation for bringing them into this world.

It may be quiet on the blogging front for the next few weeks as I most likely won’t have much to update on. We are just going to take this time for ourselves and try and relax a little bit!

IVF#2 Stimming Day 7 – Lightning Bolts

As expected, each day I feel worse and worse. And I am so happy about that!!! Truly I am! Because that means these eggs are growing and becoming more mature every day! Does it suck? Absolutely! But my eye is on the prize!

The Menopur is not joke. It means business. Within 12 hours after my first dose, I became so bloated and could feel my ovaries more than I ever have before. I has now become more difficult to walk. Just the movement of walking through space causes discomfort and sometimes pain. Speaking of pain…lightening bolts in the ovaries is a thing. I had to use the restroom and as I was peeing I got this really sharp electrical pain in my right ovary that made me yelp out loud and jump up a bit…which of course caused me to pee on myself. Infertility is so glamorous! That was yesterday morning and since then I have had those lightning bolt pains on either side on and off. I did freak out a bit and texted Praying to Be Mommy, who assured me that, unfortunately, this lightning bolt pain was indeed a thing. Thanks, Menopur!

Honestly, it almost feels like it did the day of egg retrieval last time and we still have a week to go! That gives me so much hope that they will get a lot of good quality eggs! But it also makes me fearful of just how difficult this next week will be. I don’t doubt that I will be able to do it and I will do my best to get through with a smile on my face. So far I haven’t had too many emotional breakdowns. I have cried a few times over ridiculous things and almost caused a scene in Panera, but I have kept it together better this time around.

TMI Alert!!! In addition to the lightening ovarian pain, I still have a whole bunch of symptoms going on: nausea, fatigue, malaise, flu-like aches, diarrhea, vaginal itching, bloating, mild headache, difficulty walking. The vaginal itching has gotten so bad I had to end up calling the nurse. It took her 6 hours to get back to me because my doctor was in surgery. I am not to use any kind of cream or anything down there. I was called in a prescription for Diflucan and I took the pill last night. The packaging says I should feel relief within 24 hours and I cannot wait until it starts becoming effective! Until then, I have been keeping a heating pad on my stomach for the ovarian pain and an ice pack on my hooha to stop the itching. Did I mention how glamorous this process is?

Yesterday was also our 4 year wedding anniversary!! We didn’t plan on doing anything because we anticipated I wouldn’t feel up to it. We will go out on a date night to celebrate when the retrieval is done. I asked Chris to pick me up some gatorade and peppermint tea on the way home. When he arrived, he had bought me a huge beautiful orchid! I was so surprised I started crying. Then he pulled out Minion cookies and I lost it! I’m sure the estrogen had something to do with my reaction, but it was really sweet and unexpected. To top the night off we also got take out from our favorite hibachi restaurant.

Shot time came and it wasn’t as bad as the night before. I decided that Needle Roulette was the way to go so I didn’t know which one was coming and when. We did 225iu of Gonal F, 75iu of Menopur and 1 kit of Cetrotide. This time I showed Chris which syringe was what so at least he knew. We also agreed that he was going to try and inject the Menopur slowly to hopefully ease some of the burning, however if it burned just as much and I wanted it done with I was going to say “Muffin” and that was his cue to just inject it all and get it over with. I did NOT use the safe word. It was a LOT better being injected slowly. Instead of feeling as if I was being stabbed with a knife, it only felt like the knife was being drawn across my skin. Great analogy, I know, right? But it’s true. I’m not going to sugar coat it. Menopur still sucks!

Tomorrow is our second monitoring appointment! Fingers crossed for more growth!