IVF Cycle 2 Here We Come!

We finally had the long awaited appointment with our RE to discuss what happened and the next cycle. It was very informative and went very well. I feel silly that I was so anxious about this appointment!

Dr. E answered all of questions. Here is a recap:

• Only 2 eggs were retrieved. There were not not eggs retrieved that were immature, there were only 2. Period. We had 100% fertilization rate and it’s almost unheard of for all 100% fertilized to make it to transfer. This bodes well for future embryos.
• My estrogen level being so low one week after transfer was indeed abnormally low. Whether the low level caused a chemical pregnancy or the estrogen reflected no implantation, that is unknown. We don’t have to worry about this in the future. More on that in a minute.
• The most probable reason why our cycle failed is that I didn’t progress on the medications the way we had hoped and they only obtained two eggs and transferred on Day 2. Ideally we want them to make it to Day 5.
• I likely did NOT have a reaction to the Progesterone in Oil and it was most likely contact dermatitis from something I had come in contact with. We will use the PIO again and should know very quickly if I am allergic or not.

Now, what’s next? We are heading right into our second IVF cycle! We will start stimming on July 24th. I will remain on NuvaRing until our baseline bloodwork and ultrasound on July 20th just in case there are any residual cysts. The nurse is superstitious and didn’t want me to take out the NuvaRing before and tempt fate. Starting on July 24th I will be on Gonal-F 225iu a night for 5 nights and then go in for my first monitoring appointment on July 29th. That night I will start Menopur and possibly Cetrotide (yay for THREE injections!!). From there, we all know how the story goes, it’s really just going to depend on how I progress. When it comes time to trigger I will be doing a Lupron trigger with low dose HCG. We will do the retrieval and hopefully get more than two eggs! We will be freezing the embryos on Day 5. We will then wait for Aunt Flo to arrive and afterwards start three weeks of estrogen. My lining will be checked to make sure it is at least 8-9mm, then we will start PIO for 5 days before transfer. We will have the embryo transfer and then voila! we will be in the 2WW again!

Okay, so that is a lot of information. Why did we decide to do a freeze all cycle? We discussed it with the doctors and we all agreed that we would rather be more aggressive with the medications to get more eggs and risk getting a mild case of OHSS. It also allows the doctors to increase the meds as needed to get more eggs without having to weigh the risks of not being able to do a fresh transfer. It also allows my body time to recover of the stim cycle. In addition, my parents are going out of the country for a month at the beginning of August and my brother is coming up from Florida to house sit for them. I want to be able to spend time with him. I also want to transfer at a time when I will be the least stressed and have my support system in place.

I think I have summarized all the information from the past few hours! We will be getting our medications in the next few days. I will post an IVF Med Haul 2.0 video and explain our treatment protocol in more detail.

Certified Crazy

Three weeks ago today we found out our beta was negative. The wait between the test results and finally being able to see our doctor has been torturous. I thought the 2WW was bad, but waiting to talk to the doctor about why our IVF cycle failed is worse.

By nature I am a worrier. I am a thinker and an analyzer. I think through every possibility and contingency plan of everything in my life. It kind of makes me unbearable to live with sometimes and God forbid something isn’t done the “right way” (aka my way) because the world will stop turning and it will rain hell fire and brimstone…yeah, I have a problem and I own it. Acceptance is the first step, right?

So, why I am telling you this? Because now you can imagine how difficult this entire world of IVF and uncertainty has been for me and how much of a crazy person it has made me. I admit that I kept it together pretty darn well during the actual cycle. But the wait between the results and this appointment has made me a certified insane person. There are two people in my head and at any given moment I don’t know which one is going to take over.

First, there is the logical, rational side of me, let’s call her Sherlock (no explanation needed). Sherlock says that the reason the cycle didn’t work is that we only had two eggs, which made two embryos (amazingly!) and they just stopped growing because they were genetically abnormal. She says that this next cycle will be successful because the doctors can give me more medications, retrieve more eggs, make more embryos, let them grow to blastocysts and then transfer two excellent blasts.

Then, there is the crazy, absurd side of me I have aptly named Lola (because whatever Lola wants, Lola gets). Lola has spent the last three weeks thinking of every possible reason as to why the cycle failed. Some of the reasons she came up with on her own and some were thanks to Dr. Google. Lola has fat-shamed herself, convinced herself that taking Tylenol caused the embies not to implant and blamed herself for the one time she took a hot shower because she forgot she wasn’t supposed to. What if the doctor says that she needs to lose more weight before we try again? What if she needs another procedure, like an endometrial scratch? What if her body rejected the babies and she needs to see a reproductive immunologist and have tests done regarding Natural Killer cells? What if the reason the babies didn’t stay was because she vacuumed during the 2WW? Whatever insane, irrational, unlikely and bizarre reason you can think of, Lola has already thought of it. These thoughts have kept her up at night for the past three weeks.

Can you guess who has triumped during this waiting period?

Hopefully this time tomorrow all my fears will be relieved and we will be on track for Cycle 2 at the end of this month. Until then I will try and keep Lola at bay! Anyone else had these crazy thoughts? I would love to hear them so I know I am not alone!

Childless on Father’s Day

  
What do you say to your husband on Father’s Day after your children have gone to heaven? How do you make him see the love and appreciation you have for him when less than a week ago we lost our babies? Although we don’t know how long our babies survived, they existed. We have two angel babies in heaven. This is my husband’s first Father’s Day and what should be a day of celebration and appreciation is now a painful reminder of what could have been. I had some fun and wonderful ideas for what I would do for Chris today if we had found out we were pregnant last week. Some might say to still do them…to celebrate him as a father and look at the fact that we created life. While I would love to, it is not the right time. He is still grieving. He doesn’t want to be reminded of what today is and the significance it holds, especially for those of us on this infertility journey. 

In my eyes, Chris is already an amazing and wonderful father. He is doing everything in his power to help bring our beautiful, healthy babies into this world. He was with me every step of the way through our IVF cycle. He held my hand at every appointment. He took pictures of every follicle and embryo. He comforted me when I was in pain. He reassured me when I was scared. He gave me all the injections and did so in such a loving and comforting way because of my fear of needles. He took such good care of me when I was in bedrest or didn’t feel well. And he put up with me during my raging estrogen filled emotional outbursts. He is an amazing father and I cannot wait for him to be able to show the world. But until then, today is not a day of celebration for us. It is simply a reminder of what could have been…

We are still looking towards the future and hopefully next year we will be able to post a picture of Chris holding our children on Father’s Day. Today we just need to hold our heads up and lean on each other.