IVF#1 Beta HCG Results

We received the phone call. We are not pregnant. The nurse was very sweet and I could tell that it broke her heart to tell us the news. I was hopeful, but in my heart I felt that I was not pregnant and I was mentally preparing myself for this news. That doesn’t mean it is any easier. I feel like I have failed. It was my job to keep them safe and I failed. Even though I know that that notion is ridiculous. That there was nothing more I could have done. Realistically, Mildred and Ethel were probably genetically abnormal or ceased growing shortly after transfer. The fact that both of our only two eggs fertilized and were growing to begin with was amazing and defied statistics.

Where do we go from here? I am to remove the estrogen patches and no more PIO shots (silver lining!). Aunt Flow should arrive in a few days and on day 3 I am to start taking birth control again. Dr. Bohler is on vacation for the next few weeks and the earliest we will be able to get in to see him and discuss what happened is July 8th. The nurse has us penciled in for another cycle starting end of July. We went ahead and penciled ourselves in because they only allow so many women per month and it is far easier to take us off the list then get us on it (learned that during this last cycle). The good news is that not only did the doctors learn a lot this cycle, but we did too. I feel better prepared going into a second cycle, knowing what to expect, how I am going to react to medications, knowing I am strong enough to get through this. We learned what we need to prepare for and arrange for, like the bed rest. We know what will make the next cycle less stressful for me and can plan ahead so everything is in place to make it as least stressful as possible. The doctors learned how I react to medications and know they can be more aggressive with stimming during the next cycle. Hopefully we can get more eggs and be able to let the embryos grow to Day 5 (blastocysts). Then the ones we transfer will be stronger and healthier and have a better chance of surviving and implanting.

How are we doing? I am okay. I am crying on and off. As I said I was mentally preparing myself for this. Chris is quiet. He is watching YouTube videos and chuckling. He said he will be okay. I am planning on having some wine and a piping hot bath tonight. Two things I have deeply missed over the past several weeks! We will continue to pray and keep the faith. This was not God’s time. We were put through this test to come out the otherside stronger and more faithful both individually and as a couple. There is a reason for this heartache and we know when we finally get to hold our babies in our arms it will be all the more sweet because of these experiences.

 

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21 responses to “IVF#1 Beta HCG Results

  1. I’m so sorry to hear that it was a BFN 😦

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  2. I’m so sorry to hear this, take all the time you need and enjoy your wine and bath. Lots of love xxx

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  3. *hugs*

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  4. I’m so sorry 😦

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  5. There will come a day when all the pain and suffering, the angst and all the other horrible emotions you go through right now, will be a distant memory and you’ll have children who make you happy and fill you with pride. I realise that your dream is now further into your future than you had hoped but it’s not the end. You’ve said yourself that things can progress and potentially give you better chances, at least you are able to say that and continue to hope for the future 🙂
    Enjoy your bath and wine and stay strong xx

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  6. oh hun! I am just so sorry! I am sending you lots of hugs and prayers your way today. You are such a strong woman! xo

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  7. I’m so sorry. Keep moving forward and stay strong!

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  8. Sorry to hear. In my experience the cycles themselves get easier the more you do. You know what to expect, you know how to manage it better. It has become second nature to us. (Hopefully you guys get a positive before it comes to that).

    Relax as much as you can. And don’t believe your husband. Emotionally speaking it’s just as tough on us guys.

    Best of luck for your next cycle.

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  9. im sorry. I will be meeting with my RE on Thursday to start the IVF hopefully! I appreciate your bravery and perseverance! You will hold your miracle, I know it!

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  10. Sorry to hear that. Wine and hot bath sounds like an ideal way to recuperate. And it’s great you can take lessons from this cycle to the next. July is only a few weeks away. Hopefully you’ll be fine tuned by then. Sorry for your loss.

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  11. I’m so sorry to hear this. I will keep You in my prayers.

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  12. I’m so sorry. I posted before I read all of your posts. I’ve been through the failed results for years. I can’t even begin to say I know how you feel but I learned a TON through the years and am here if you need anyone to chat with.

    I’m trying to pull myself up off the ground and wipe off my wounds so that I can be an asset for anyone going through IVF or surrogacy.

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  13. Awww Hun I am so sorry!!! Praying for you!

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  14. Ah crap. So sorry to hear this.

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  15. 😦 I’m so so sad for you and so sorry for your loss.

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  16. I am so incredibly sorry for you. Stay strong so you can make some awesome and healthy blasts next month. You got this!!!

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  17. Aww, I’m so sorry 😦 HUGS

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  18. So sorry to hear that. Hugs.

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  19. I’m so sorry to hear this news but you have a great outlook in taking all the things you learned this cycle to the next, giving you an even better shot. There is hope. Enjoy the wine and bath! xx

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  20. Pingback: Certified Crazy | Maybe Baby...

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