FET#1 Second Time’s the Charm? E2 and Ultrasound Results

Expect the Unexpected. This has to become my mantra. I have to learn to let things unfold as God intended them to. I need to become okay with not being able to be in control or plan for things. Shit happens…

For the past two weeks, I have been diligently putting five estrogen pills up my hooha twice a day in hopes of thickening my lining enough for transfer. I have endured horrendously swollen feet, serious mood swings and nausea that hasn’t let me eat for days. All waiting for this appointment when I could find out what date we will be reunited with our snowbabies. After 5 weeks on estrogen and a blood estrogen (E2) level of 2840(!!), I just got the call…we are scratching this cycle.

This morning’s ultrasound kind of prepared us for this. My lining had improved. It went from 3.34mm two weeks ago to an average of 6.14mm (thickest at 7.42mm). Ideally my lining needs to be between 8mm-12mm for optimum implantation. I was hoping they would call and say that I just needed one more week on the estrogen…alas that did not happen.

One of Dr. Bohler’s new fellows who scanned me this morning called to break the news. I think the nurse is tired of giving me bad news so she is now pawning that duty off on to other staff members. Dr. G said that Dr. B is not happy with the way my lining looks and that our best bet is to scratch this cycle and start over. Instead of doing the exact same thing, we are taking a new approach. Actually, this approach is so new to the clinic that they have only done it on one other lady before me and that was as a trial because she would be out of town on the day of transfer. In her case, the protocol worked beautifully. So…what are we going to do? It is actually a more natural cycle which is nice. Here is the breakdown:

• Today: Stop taking Estrogen and begin Provera to bring on Aunt Flo
• Take Provera for 10 days (or until AF is strong)
• CD3 come into clinic for baseline blood work and ultrasound. At this appointment they will give me the prescription for Letrozole.
• CD3- CD7 take Letrozole to produce a follicle. This medication is an oral pill similar to Clomid that is used to induce ovulation for IUIs.
• CD8 begin taking one estrogen pill by mouth a day
• CD12 come into clinic for blood work and ultrasound to make sure I have a follicle growing
• CD12 if everything looks good I will be given an HCG shot to induce ovulation
• After ovulation, will use 1 Crinone applicator a day for progesterone support
• 5 – 6 days after ovulation we will go in for transfer

Okay, so I know its a bit confusing. It is an IUI/FET hybrid, however there are some major pros to this protocol

1. My lining reacted VERY well to the Gonal F during the fresh cycles so my likelihood of it reacting well to Letrozole is very high
2. It is a more natural cycle using more of my body’s naturally produced hormones rather than pumping it full of synthetic hormones
3. I won’t have to do PIO shots!!!!

Am I sad that our transfer will be postponed? Of course I am. I want to be reunited with our snowbabies as soon as possible. But I don’t want to put them into an environment where they don’t have a good chance of sticking and becoming our children. I will wait just a little longer if it means that improves our chances of getting to meet them and see their little faces one day. I am glad that the estrogen is over with and I can get back to somewhat of a semblance of normal life. I also believe that using my natural hormones will help. So the call to cancel this cycle was bittersweet, but I believe it is for the best. I am more positive about this new protocol. If you have had any experience with this type of protocol, whether IUI or FET, please let me know!

FET#1 Days 9 – 14 – More Meds

So it has been about a week since I last posted. Honestly there hasn’t really been that much to tell, except my ranting and ravings as a lunatic on estrogen. I started taking the estrogen vaginally instead of orally and am happy to report that I no longer have nausea and can eat regular meals without them coming back up! I also am not as crazy as I was the first week. Still crazy…just not as crazy. Example: Last Thursday I was sitting at my desk at work and for whatever reason, I thought of the Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials with the sad kittens and puppies and I started crying. My boss looked at me, like what happened? And I had to explain that nothing happened, that commercial just popped into my head and made me cry.

  
I called the fertility pharmacy to order the Progesterone in Oil and Crinone. I had been putting it off because I know the cost was going to ruin my mood…you ladies know what I am talking about. For those that haven’t had to be on Crinone, it is expensive…and I will be on it twice a day until the 11th week of pregnancy which should be around Christmas. Each dose is around $20 so do the math on that and it’s $3,600. Ouch! That is how much ALL the meds for the stimming cycle cost! Well, it was a long shot but I talked to my insurance company to see if they would cover it since technically it’s not a fertility medication, it is a hormonal supplement. Well, they said it would require a prior authorization and we went through that process. I wasn’t expecting them to cover much if anything. The pharmacy called me the next morning and said that my insurance is covering 4 boxes of 15 applicators for 30 days! That is $1,200 worth of medication at zero cost to us! Cue happy dance! Also, my doctor ordered me Progesterone in Cottonseed Oil this time around because I had a bit of a reaction to the sesame seed oil last time. This is also supposed to be thinner so maybe, just maybe it won’t hurt as bad! I am not looking forward to the PIO shots again. I was thinking back to how miserable and sore my booty was after just 14 days of them last time and this time around I get the pleasure of having them for 90 days. I will get through it, just like I have gotten through everything else. I am just not all excited about that part.

  
In other news, we had a lazy Saturday and it was amazing. It seemed that we both rotated off taking naps because we were so tired. It was nice to have a peaceful and quiet house while Chris was sleeping. I got some painting done and was able to decompress a little and relax. Then on Sunday it was so beautiful outside that we did a lot of landscaping work. Chris handled the yard and I got to play with our new toy – a hedge trimmer! Those things are amazing (I never thought I would say that about a landscaping tool). I am very OCD and like things very, very even and just right and this tool helped me do it perfectly and quickly! Now the front of our house looks nice and pretty! We also cut back all the dying rose bushes on the side of our house and weeded the area. We have definitely been feeling sore from all the work we did but it looks great! Now…the inside of the house, not so much. We have to get that in order before transfer or I will drive myself crazy looking at it and not being able to clean it.

  
Last, but not least, we had a family trip to the doctor yesterday to get our flu shots. We were told by our IVF nurse to get them at least 2 weeks prior to transfer so it has enough time to build up protection in our systems. Normally I freak out at flu shots and refuse to look at the needle. This time I saw the needle and was like “What? That’s tiny!” and I hardly felt the shot at all. Maybe this whole IVF (specifically PIO) thing is curing me of my fear of needles! Or maybe at this point I am just too tired to care much anymore! Either way it is making doctor’s visits a little less stressful for me so I will take it.

  
As for how I am feeling? I am taking it day by day, hour by hour. The estrogen is really playing with my emotions and my ability to remain positive. I am excited about the transfer, but I don’t feel I am excited as I was last time. I attribute that to the hormones making me feel down and anxious. I am hoping as the date gets closer that I will become more excited. I just don’t really know what to say right now. I don’t want to sound like a downer because I am not. I am more just tired right now. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. I feel like very little thing requires so much more effort and all I want to do is close my eyes and sleep until its time to transfer.

   
 

FET#1 Day 7 – So.Much.Estrogen.

  
This past week has been rough. In many ways, I would rather be doing the stim injections than be on this estrogen. They didn’t make me feel as bad or as crazy. I know that I need to take it, but I dread when 6PM or 6AM rolls around and it’s time for my next dose. Each dose is making me feel worse and I was hoping that my body would get used to it, or that I would get used to the side effects. We are 7 days in and so far, neither of those are in sight.

  
The physical side effects I can handle. I can handle the persistent headache, never-ending nausea, lack of appetite, diarrhea, flu-like symptoms and night sweats. It’s no walk in the park, but those are manageable. I am able to take Tylenol and Peptobismol. I eat small, tolerable meals and rest as much as possible. I drink plenty of fluids and Chris has been picking up my slack around the house so I can rest, relax and not strain myself too much.

The emotional side effects are what are making this so much worse for me. I have been dealing with anxiety for most of my life. It has come in waves over the years and most of the time I have been able to keep it under control or at bay with medications, yoga and/or therapy. Last year was very difficult for both my husband and I (you can read about that here) and we have been able to persevere by relying on each other and getting a little help from Zoloft. I went on it last October because my anxiety got so bad that I didn’t want to leave the house. I wouldn’t answer the phone because I was afraid it was going to be more bad news. For about a month straight last year, every time I answered the phone it was bad test results, a cancer diagnosis, a death…one thing after another. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was always looking over my shoulder just waiting for the next shoe to drop. I couldn’t sleep. The Zoloft was able to help me get perspective on everything and when I discussed with the RE whether or not to stay on it during IVF and pregnancy, we both found the benefits outweighed the risks as the stress the anxiety causes me could negatively affect the pregnancy. That is how bad it was.

  
Each passing day on this estrogen I get worse. My anxiety is coming back and I feel like I am losing perspective on the whole situation again. It’s getting harder for me to joke around. I am not smiling and am not my normal positive self. Which is making dealing with everything with IVF that much harder. If you can’t remain positive and focused on the end game, then each injection and each procedure is that much worse.

  
On a happier note, my parents safely returned from their trip to Europe and they brought back some nice gifts. I collect the Hard Rock Cafe bears and my life’s goal is to have one from every Hard Rock Cafe. So far I have a ton from the states but only London, Edinburgh and Paris from overseas. Well, now I can add Prague and Budapest to that collection! They brought back some shot glasses for Chris and a small bottle of absinthe. The real absinthe with wormwood that’s not sold over in the U.S. I tried it last time I was in England and never again. It was awful. Chris didn’t believe me. He excitedly took a nice, big swig last night and is still paying for it over 12 hours later! He said it was the worst idea he has had in a long time! My parents also brought back some gifts for the babies. They brought a Baby’s First Mozart CD, baby bibs from Hard Rock Cafe in Prague and two little Stieff bears. They are super soft and cuddly! It was so sweet of them to bring gifts for the babies. Hopefully we will be able to give them to them next summer!

Things I have cried at today:

• Bachelor in Paradise – because I really thought Carly and Kirk would make it. Kirk is a jerk…
• House, MD – because the dad had to chose to save mom or baby. He chose baby. 
• I then asked Chris what he would do in the same situation and it turned into me sobbing into his shirt begging him not to kill me
• Cute old people kissing on a commercial
• Because the cat stole my paint brush

If I wasn’t going to sleep right now I bet there would be more! Any advice on dealing with all of the above and making it through this alive bad in one (hopefully sane) is much appreciated!

What They Don’t Tell You About IVF: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

**Update! Thank you so much for visiting my blog! I recently wanted to do MORE to bring awareness to the infertility community and be a positive force in motivating, encouraging and supporting others. I have created an Etsy shop called Inspired By Bug and have an entire section devoted to IVF and Infertility merchandise. More listings are being added every day! Please take a moment and have a look!**

I have been meaning to write this post for a while and now seeing as we have one year of infertility, one surgery, several procedures and two IVF cycles under our belt, I would like to think we have learned a thing or two. There are many websites and blogs out there with people journaling their experiences and giving advice. Over the past year I have read enough information to fill several books. What I read has been invaluable and I definitely learned a lot. I felt we were as prepared as we could be going into IVF for the first time. With all of that said, I feel like a few things could have been mentioned more, because I either didn’t know anything about it or I didn’t fully grasp what the advice was telling me. This post is hopefully going to give some insight into some of the less glamorous happenings that occur while trying to conceive…in a Petri dish. These are the things we wish we had known. While most of these will be from my perspective, Chris did have some insights he wanted to add as well. These may not happen to everyone, but if they do you are not alone! I am going to go ahead and let you know, this is going to be a long post.

Disclaimer: This post is intended to help out our IVF and TTC sisters and community. If you know us in real life and prefer not to know too much about…well…too much, I suggest you stop reading now. This is about to get real…like REALLY freakin’ real. Consider yourself warned.

Let’s get to it! What I wish I had known…

1. After the HCG trigger shot, you will not poop for four whole days. Yes, for me, BOTH times…I did not poop for four entire days. When I was finally able to, it was very painful because I was sore from egg retrieval and my ovaries were still incredibly large. When I was finally able to poop, I couldn’t be far from the bathroom because I pooped so much. So many times. I am literally not exaggerating.
2. You will get hemorrhoids. Due to the whole not pooping thing as well as all the hormones being pumped on your body, you may experience hemorrhoids. If you have never had one before, it might take you off guard. During both cycles, I had hemorrhoids that actually ruptured, which makes for an even lovelier mess. We will get to that later.
3. IVF medications can give you gray hair. This is one I found out recently. Yesterday I found my first gray hair. Actually, it was white. Chris pulled it out and then proceeded to find a whole slew of them all clustered together all while laughing at me. I was NOT amused. I immediately went to Dr. Google and found out that, indeed, IVF medications can cause gray hair.
4. The places where PIO shots were given will be numb and itch for weeks after. I knew the PIO shots would suck. Literally every blog or article I read told me they would suck. The first few days were not picnic in the park, but the longer I had to have them the worse they got. What no one told me, is that it would still suck WEEKS after stopping the injections. My last PIO was on June 15th. I just got feeling back in the areas where they were injected. It is normal, just unexpected.
5. Your period after egg retrieval/failed cycle will not be like a normal period. This one kind of seems like a no-brainer, but I wasn’t fully informed as to the extent of how heavy it would be. I have had heavy periods ever since I started, but they don’t compare to this. After IVF#1 failed, I started my period and I passed a clot the size of my palm! That is not an exaggeration! I continued to pass huge clots and pad changing was frequent because (surprise!) tampons are a no-no. I ruined several pairs of underwear…and pants…and sheets…
6. You will feel an unexpected primal instinct to be reunited with your embryos. This one caught me off guard. I thought I would feel anxious to do the transfer so we would be one step closer. In reality, I felt a primal urge to have my embryos back inside me where they would be safe and sound. In IVF#2, I felt the same way until I knew they were safely frozen and secure. This feeling took me over for those few days. I can only imagine this feeling is akin to how a mother feels when separated from her baby for the first time.
7. You will have many, many people see your lady bits. Again, this one seems like a no-brainer. Of course people are going to be down there poking around. I am talking about the amount of people. During my HSG, I was exposed to my doctor, two nurses, four students and two radiology techs. During my SIS, I was exposed to my doctor, different nurse and ultrasound tech. During my mock transfer, I was exposed to my doctor’s fellow and two different nurses. If you are counting we are at 14 different sets of eyes on my hooha and we haven’t even started the cycle yet! Each monitoring appointment was with either one of two ultra sound techs. But wait! They were training two new techs and a new fellow joined the practice. We are now up to 19 sets of eyes. Egg retrieval day arrives and now we have my fellow, the head doctor, two nurses, the anesthesiology nurse and the embryologist. The second egg retrieval I had a different fellow there but luckily everyone else was the same. The transfer at least had the same doctor, embryologist and nurse. All in all, in the past 4 months I believe 22 different people have seen my lady bits. Honestly, there could have been more…
8. You will no longer care who sees your vagina. Remember when you were younger and were afraid of the gynecologist and swore you were never giving birth because you didn’t want anyone to see your vagina? Yeah, you won’t care about that anymore. You will wear a dress to every appointment so all you have to do is take off your undies. You will be in those stirrups so fast, hooha to the sky. You will let anyone and everyone down there if it means it will get you a baby.
9. If you only have a few good veins, save the best one for your IV. This one I learned the hard way. I only have two good veins and due to all the blood work, by the time I got to egg retrieval both of my veins were shot. The nurse blew my best vein while trying to insert the IV. If you are a needlephobe like me (or hate IVs), do yourself a favor and save that vein. I did that for the second IVF cycle and it went a lot smoother.
10. You will say crazy things under anesthesia and the doctors will laugh at you. Apparently I was a comedian while under anesthesia. The whole room was laughing so hard that Chris, who was sitting on the other side of the door, was quite confused. I remember nothing. I still don’t know what I was saying, but am kind of glad that I don’t.
11. You will say things that don’t make sense and you will feel irrational emotions. Another given, but I didn’t realize the extent. Let’s just say that I cried hysterically for an hour because I was convinced my husband was angry with me for not wearing pants…he was not angry, nor did he care if I was wearing pants. I also took one look at my boss and burst into tears at work because I thought I would let the team down because I might not be able to get 10,000 steps a day with my FitBit. She immediately took me off the floor to a storage closet to make sure I was okay. I simultaneously laughed and cried while trying to explain my emotions. She finally told me, in the nicest way possible, to go home.
12. Do not pee on a stick. They are like Pringles, once you start you just can’t stop. For real. Do. Not. Pee. On. A. Stick. Just wait for the beta. I know, it’s WAY easier said than done, but I bought out the Dollar Store of all their tests and peed on sticks like 4 times a day. All it did was make me crazy. I was so much calmer and more at peace before I peed on a stick. Take my word for it. Don’t do it.
13. You will get acne. I unfortunately have had acne most of my life. I was able to get it under control over the past several years using Proactiv. Well, no face wash is going to save you from the acne that will occur during your cycle. Invest in some old school Clean and Clear face wash and makeup concealer.
14. You may get a yeast infection. I didn’t get one on cycle one but I did on cycle two. Amidst all the other side effects going on, a yeast infection is like icing on top of the proverbial cake. To add insult to injury, you can’t use any OTC products for relief. No Monistat for you! Coconut oil helps the itching and a call to doc for Diflucan should get it under control. Don’t be surprised if it doesn’t completely go away until your cycle is over.
15. You have to be your own advocate. A lot of stuff happens all at once and a ton of information will be thrown your way. Take it upon yourself to get organized. Get a planner. Write everything down so you can reference later if more cycles are needed. Save all receipts, paperwork and injection instructions. Educate yourself. Ask questions. You are in charge of the process and can say how fast or how slow you want to move ahead with procedures. Nurses have a lot of patients and you help them to help you by having any information needed at your fingertips.
16. You will become closer to your significant other. Infertility is truly one of the things that can make or break a marriage. If you have gotten as far as IVF, hopefully you and your significant other are on the same page with fertility treatments and options. Every day of our journey I fall more and more in love with my husband. The support and patience that he has shown me, the grace in the face of adversity and the humor that he brings to every situation have kept me positive and helped me stay strong. We have learned to communicate more effectively and express our emotions. We have learned to compromise and be more compassionate towards each other. We have always jokingly called ourselves a Team. (We have a team name but I am keeping that between us). We clean as a team, we run errands as a team, we are on this IVF marathon as a team and we will cross the finish line as a team.
17. You will have to learn an entirely new language. So this might be a bit of an exaggeration, but there are so many new medical terms to learn as well as their abbreviations. For example, ICSI (inta-cytoplasmic sperm injection), AMH (anti-Mullerian hormone), E2 (estradial blood test), P4 (progesterone blood test) and many, many more. Not to mention in the TTC (trying to conceive) community online there is lingo there as well: BFP/BFN (big fat positive/big fat negative), POAS (pee on a stick) and 2WW (two week wait). In order to help understand this new language, I created a cheat sheet for reference, see here.
18. If the doctor says, “you will experience a little cramping” that means you are going to hurt something fierce. For whatever reason, the doctors think that if they say you are only going to hurt a little bit, that will reassure you. This is a lie. I don’t know if its just that they have never experienced the procedures themselves, or they are just naive, but they hurt. Be prepared. If the doctor advises you to take Ibuprofen before a procedure…DO IT! You will feel mildly less pain, but it will still suck. With that being said, just remember why you are doing this. The end goal is your sweet baby.
19. If you are a needlephobe (like me), it truly isn’t as bad as you think. For real. Yes, it is scary. And yes some of those needles are huge (ahem…PIO)…but you will get through it. If you find what works for you, it makes the process so much easier. For me, a combination of lidocaine cream and ice helped me not feel the needles and I would listen to IVF meditation in order to distract myself and focus on my breathing. By doing this, the nightly shots because quick and easy. Pleasant? No. Doable? Absolutely.
20. Expect the Unexpected. (Anyone catch the Big Brother reference?) I am dead serious though. Just when you think ahead and are planning and predicting things…BAM!!…a curve ball is thrown your way. I am not a patient person and I also do not like surprises. This process has been very trying for me. From the whole sperm/no sperm fiasco, to the plummeting estrogen level, we have experienced our fair share of unexpected happenings. We have had to trust in the process and trust in God. We have learned to take each day in stride. I knew going into this, that everything is a delicate balance and is unpredictable, however I didn’t realize that it would be like that literally every day.
21. At some point before egg retrieval you may not be able to walk. Your ovaries will be huge. And I mean HUGE, like the size of two bunches of grapes. This will make it difficult to use the restroom without feeling like your ovaries are going to fall out of your vagina (don’t worry, they won’t). It can be difficult and painful to stand up from a seated position. Laying down can be uncomfortable. By the end of my first retrieval, the only way I could walk was a bit hunched over and on my tip toes. Every movement made my ovaries bounce and it was incredibly uncomfortable. Going into my second retrieval, I could hardly walk. After my second retrieval, I was basically immobile, however that was thanks to my ovary deciding to hide behind my retrograded uterus and giving everyone a scare, for that story click here, here and here.

I think that is enough food for thought for now. I am sure as soon as I post this, I will think of more things. If there is anything that you wished you had known before IVF or any fertility treatment, please comment below and let me know!

IVF#2 Stimming Day 9 – Are we there yet?

I’m over it. I’m ready for these eggs to come out and for me to feel somewhat normal again. I am very surprised I haven’t become the emotional monster I was last time, but man oh man am I miserable! I am writing this a day late and I can’t even remember how yesterday went! This brain fog and forgetfulness is real!

As I try and recall yesterday, I am blanking out. It is really like someone erased my memory of the last few days. Maybe that is a bit of medical trickery and they do that so you don’t remember how awful you feel. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why we blog. So we DO remember, because this sucks! My positive attitude has been all but sapped dry. Maybe I shouldn’t word it that way. I am still positive regarding the outcome of the retrieval and getting our embryos. I am no longer happy, positive, perky person at this moment because my body is pumped full of hormones and I feel at any moment I am going to pop an ovary or vomit up everything I have managed to keep down for the past few days. 

We continued on our Gonal F (225iu), Menopur (75iu) and Cetrotide. Menopur didn’t burn one bit this time. It was strange and actually had me questioning whether I mixed it right (even though it’s pretty idiot-proof). Loving this lidocaine and ice combination we have discovered. I hope that works for the PIO when it comes to that. 

Side effects…way too many to remember…did I mention forgetfulness is a thing? Basically everything from the past few days compounded times ten. Fatigue, nausea, brain fog, forgetfulness, sore breasts, achy, flu-like symptoms, headache, abdominal pain, bloating and the yeast infection is still present. I talked to my nurse and since I cannot use Monistat yet she recommended I use coconut oil. Wait…you want me to out coconut oil where? At this point, nothing should surprise me and when a nurse tells me to shove something here or stick a needle there, I don’t even really question anymore. It’s like blind faith. Infertility makes you want an answer so badly that you are brainwashed to believe anything and everything. You want me to hop on one foot, rotating counter-clockwise at exactly 2:38 am while chanting under a harvest moon and then kiss a blue toad? Okay, if it helps me get our baby, I’ll do it! That might seem like an exaggeration but my ladies in the TTC and infertility community know what I am talking about. Oh! But by the way, the coconut oil definitely helps. For future reference, stock up on some for stimming because it will make you so much more comfortable!

Okay, rambling is over for now! I can no longer keep my eyes open…

  

IVF#2 Stimming Day 8 – So Tired

Nothing really new to report. Same side effects, another day. Fatigue, flu-like aches, headache, nausea, brain fog, sore breasts, abdominal pain, lightning ovaries, difficult moving in general…I got the works! I had a relatively quiet day working from home. An old friend came by to visit and we had wonderful conversation. It was nice to see someone other than my husband since I have sequestered myself in our house to protect the world from my rath! I will say that I haven’t had many emotional moments this time. I think a lot of that could have been tied in with my anxiety, which has been virtually non-existent this cycle. Thanks acupuncture!!

Shot time was still the same three shots. Gonal F (225iu), Menopur (75iu) and Cetrotide. Menopur still sucks!!! Ain’t getting any easier! Luckily I only have a few more days. I have to keep my eyes on the prize! Making this short and sweet because I am exhausted!!

  

IVF#2 Stimming Day 7 – Lightning Bolts

As expected, each day I feel worse and worse. And I am so happy about that!!! Truly I am! Because that means these eggs are growing and becoming more mature every day! Does it suck? Absolutely! But my eye is on the prize!

The Menopur is not joke. It means business. Within 12 hours after my first dose, I became so bloated and could feel my ovaries more than I ever have before. I has now become more difficult to walk. Just the movement of walking through space causes discomfort and sometimes pain. Speaking of pain…lightening bolts in the ovaries is a thing. I had to use the restroom and as I was peeing I got this really sharp electrical pain in my right ovary that made me yelp out loud and jump up a bit…which of course caused me to pee on myself. Infertility is so glamorous! That was yesterday morning and since then I have had those lightning bolt pains on either side on and off. I did freak out a bit and texted Praying to Be Mommy, who assured me that, unfortunately, this lightning bolt pain was indeed a thing. Thanks, Menopur!

Honestly, it almost feels like it did the day of egg retrieval last time and we still have a week to go! That gives me so much hope that they will get a lot of good quality eggs! But it also makes me fearful of just how difficult this next week will be. I don’t doubt that I will be able to do it and I will do my best to get through with a smile on my face. So far I haven’t had too many emotional breakdowns. I have cried a few times over ridiculous things and almost caused a scene in Panera, but I have kept it together better this time around.

TMI Alert!!! In addition to the lightening ovarian pain, I still have a whole bunch of symptoms going on: nausea, fatigue, malaise, flu-like aches, diarrhea, vaginal itching, bloating, mild headache, difficulty walking. The vaginal itching has gotten so bad I had to end up calling the nurse. It took her 6 hours to get back to me because my doctor was in surgery. I am not to use any kind of cream or anything down there. I was called in a prescription for Diflucan and I took the pill last night. The packaging says I should feel relief within 24 hours and I cannot wait until it starts becoming effective! Until then, I have been keeping a heating pad on my stomach for the ovarian pain and an ice pack on my hooha to stop the itching. Did I mention how glamorous this process is?

Yesterday was also our 4 year wedding anniversary!! We didn’t plan on doing anything because we anticipated I wouldn’t feel up to it. We will go out on a date night to celebrate when the retrieval is done. I asked Chris to pick me up some gatorade and peppermint tea on the way home. When he arrived, he had bought me a huge beautiful orchid! I was so surprised I started crying. Then he pulled out Minion cookies and I lost it! I’m sure the estrogen had something to do with my reaction, but it was really sweet and unexpected. To top the night off we also got take out from our favorite hibachi restaurant.

Shot time came and it wasn’t as bad as the night before. I decided that Needle Roulette was the way to go so I didn’t know which one was coming and when. We did 225iu of Gonal F, 75iu of Menopur and 1 kit of Cetrotide. This time I showed Chris which syringe was what so at least he knew. We also agreed that he was going to try and inject the Menopur slowly to hopefully ease some of the burning, however if it burned just as much and I wanted it done with I was going to say “Muffin” and that was his cue to just inject it all and get it over with. I did NOT use the safe word. It was a LOT better being injected slowly. Instead of feeling as if I was being stabbed with a knife, it only felt like the knife was being drawn across my skin. Great analogy, I know, right? But it’s true. I’m not going to sugar coat it. Menopur still sucks!

Tomorrow is our second monitoring appointment! Fingers crossed for more growth!

IVF#2 Stimming Day 6 – Menopur Sucks!!

  
After our appointment this morning, Chris took me to my acupuncture appointment. He hasn’t been with me before so it was interesting for him to see the place and meet my acupuncturist. He asked questions and was able to watch the session. My acupuncturist focused on different points than normal because my main complaint was nausea. This was the first time since my first session where I felt waves of energy and heat move throughout my body. It’s not uncomfortable, it’s just an odd feeling. He said that I felt that strong sensation because I was more out of balance due to the medications. We have been able to bring me in balance over the last few weeks which is why I haven’t had that sensation recently. I am still skeptical about all of this, however I have noticed many improvements and it has been helping me. Even though I don’t understand it, I don’t necessarily need to understand it to see that it is helping me. Chris wanted to feel what the needle felt like so my acupuncturist picked a point in his arm and put a needle in. He felt the wave of energy flow up and down his arm and even continued to feel that sensation on the way home. He is interested in it and it may be something he will consider in the future. 

 

Normally my feet look like pin cushions! Only one in each foot today!

 
The rest of the day was relatively quiet. I laid down and tried to sleep for most of the day. I hardly slept last night. Partly because I couldn’t get comfortable due to the increased pressure in my ovaries and I sleep on my stomach and roll over even when I fall asleep on my back. I think we are going to have to surround me with pillows tonight so I won’t roll. The other reason I didn’t sleep well was how worried I was about today’s appointment. I had a nightmare that I missed the appointment and missed tonight’s injections. Then I woke up in a night sweat and was up from 2-4am. I was unable to take a nap today so I am going to take some Benadryl tonight to help me sleep. 

TMI Alert! My symptoms have definitely increased today. I have nausea, dizziness and fatigue. I am experiencing brain fog. I cannot find the right words for certain sentences. I cannot always make sense when speaking and sometimes I will respond to Chris in my head and won’t vocalize it but think I do which causes a really awkward silence and makes me look insane. I have noticed a large increase in CM and I have had vaginal itching. This is a new symptom and I asked my nurse if I could use Monistat or something similar to help and she said if it was tolerable to avoid using anything and call her if it gets worse. My breasts have also become sore. Not too bad at the moment compared to what I know is coming. And as the same with previous days I have had vivid dreams, bloating, diarrhea and abdominal discomfort and pressure. 

  
I know all those symptoms sound horrid, but honestly they are tolerable and not unbearable at the moment. This is so worth it to have our baby in the end. This pain and discomfort is temporary and totally doable. What I am not pleased with, however, is the Menopur. We started Menopur (75iu) and Cetrotide (1 kit) tonight along with the Gonal F (225iu), so we went from one shot to three shots…woo hoo!!

So shot time came…I prepared the shots and instructed Chris not to tell me which one he was giving and when. I told him to do the Menopur slow. Well…I forgot to tell him which shot was which so when he stabbed my lidocained and iced belly with the Menopur shot first and shot that medicine in fast, I yelped in pain! Man that medicine burns!!! I couldn’t feel the needle but I felt that medicine and it was NOT okay. He then gave me the other two shots which hurt less because I was still in pain from the first one. I don’t know whether it was better to do it all at once and get it over with or draw it out to a long slow burn. Either way I don’t think there is any easy way to inject this medicine and I am just going to have to suck it up!!

As I am laying here writing this I am incredibly nauseated and sore. I am in for a rough several days. I just keep reminding myself it will all be worth it! Pain is temporary!

  
 

IVF#2 Stimming Day 4 – Achy

Short update!! Yesterday afternoon, a few hours prior to shot number 4, I started getting nauseated. I spent the rest of the day quietly working from home and trying to think of what we had to eat that wouldn’t make me immediately throw it up. When Chris got home, he made me some cous cous which helped. I overall just felt a little bit blah. Like the body aches you get when you are coming down with the flu. 

 

Oliver helping me work

 
Last night’s shot of Gonal F (225iu) went off without a hitch. I didn’t even feel it! I do a mixture of lidocaine cream and ice and that seems to work like a charm. I will be remembering this for the dreaded PIO shots when we get to those during the FET! What was new about last night was that I felt sick about 30 seconds after the shot. The nausea came on full force and I did get a bit dizzy. I was actually excited and relieved because that is what happened each night last time and I was afraid that these eggies were not starting to grow! The rest of the night I felt sick and didn’t have much energy to move but I did get a really good nights sleep and the vivid dreams have returned (symptom of 1st cycle)!

I am so glad I am feeling worse!! I know that sounds ridiculous but that means the meds are working!! 

  

IVF#2 Stimming Day 2 – Chillaxing

Day 2 down! Only a week or so more to go! It really is amazing how quickly it goes once you start! 

  
There isn’t too much to report today. I had an amazing night’s sleep last night. Thanks to the new memory foam mattress topper we got on Amazon Prime Day I have been sleeping like a baby! Which is much needed if you remember my few weeks of anxiety and insomnia. I attribute my reclaimed peacefulness and ability to sleep to a combination of the new mattress topper and acupuncture. I really cannot stress how much acupuncture has helped me and I am very skeptical of alternative therapies. I highly recommend it!!

We spent the rest of the day lounging around and taking it easy. There were times today where I did not feel 100% but so far I am not having the side effects I had last time. I have not had any nausea or dizziness which were my major complaints last time. Makes me wonder how much was due to the medication and how much was due to anxiety. I have been fatigued and just felt a little off, but overall so far so good!! 

Chris gave me my shot of Gonal F 225iu tonight and it went off without a hitch for the second day in a row!! Even being a needlephobe, it is WAY easier to handle the tiny insulin needles after weeks of the big PIO needle. This is cake compared to that one!! Hoping that we can keep this streak going, especially when we increase to three shots nightly!!

That’s all for now. Been a somewhat boring day, but it was a very much welcomed boring day!!