Childless on Father’s Day

  
What do you say to your husband on Father’s Day after your children have gone to heaven? How do you make him see the love and appreciation you have for him when less than a week ago we lost our babies? Although we don’t know how long our babies survived, they existed. We have two angel babies in heaven. This is my husband’s first Father’s Day and what should be a day of celebration and appreciation is now a painful reminder of what could have been. I had some fun and wonderful ideas for what I would do for Chris today if we had found out we were pregnant last week. Some might say to still do them…to celebrate him as a father and look at the fact that we created life. While I would love to, it is not the right time. He is still grieving. He doesn’t want to be reminded of what today is and the significance it holds, especially for those of us on this infertility journey. 

In my eyes, Chris is already an amazing and wonderful father. He is doing everything in his power to help bring our beautiful, healthy babies into this world. He was with me every step of the way through our IVF cycle. He held my hand at every appointment. He took pictures of every follicle and embryo. He comforted me when I was in pain. He reassured me when I was scared. He gave me all the injections and did so in such a loving and comforting way because of my fear of needles. He took such good care of me when I was in bedrest or didn’t feel well. And he put up with me during my raging estrogen filled emotional outbursts. He is an amazing father and I cannot wait for him to be able to show the world. But until then, today is not a day of celebration for us. It is simply a reminder of what could have been…

We are still looking towards the future and hopefully next year we will be able to post a picture of Chris holding our children on Father’s Day. Today we just need to hold our heads up and lean on each other.

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One response to “Childless on Father’s Day

  1. Very much feel your sadness – through 2 cycles of IVF/ICSI hubby has been a rock – Father’s Day was his first breaking moment that he showed – broke my heart! We’ve booked a trip abroad to give us a positive thing to look forward to together. Stay strong and be honest with each other and know that there are others round the world wishing and saying a prayer for u x

    Liked by 1 person

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