Calm Before the Storm

As we inch closer day by day to our cycle start date everything is becoming more real. For so long the thought of parenthood has been a fantasy. An intangible object just out of reach. A dream that may never come to be. Even through the months of trying and the heartache every time Aunt Flo arrived, it was never quite this real. Maybe it’s because I always sensed that this journey would be a difficult one for me. Even before I met Chris, I had an intuition that this would not be an easy road. Maybe it feels more real  because, statistically speaking, there is only something like a 10% chance of getting pregnant naturally each cycle for a fertile couple. Our IVF odds are 50-60%. That is a HUGE increase in odds.

In addition, whether or not we get pregnant this cycle, we will still become parents. I believe that life starts at conception and in a few weeks we will become parents…they will be embryos and with a lot of prayer, love and very technical science stuff they will hopefully become our babies that we are able to hold in our arms. Finally. But regardless we will be parents. We will get to see their first pictures. Not like the first picture of your neighbor’s daughter swaddled in pink with a big headband and bow on her head. This picture will be much different. Microscopic. Beautiful. The very beginning of life. It will be amazing and I cannot imagine what feelings I will have when I see it.

As the countdown continues I am thinking less clinically about everything. I am more focused on enjoying this process and being positive. It might sound weird to say “enjoying” and I’m sure I will feel differently when the needles and hormones begin. But I really am enjoying the process. This is our first real tangible shot at becoming parents and I can’t help be feel like we will be pregnant this cycle. This is a story to document and savor so we can tell our babies how they came to be. What their story is. What we overcame to bring them into this world. And if God decides that it is not the right time for us to become parents, I want to be able to look back on this experience years from now when we have completed our family, whether through further cycles or adoptions. I am a firm believer of the power of positivity and putting good vibes out into the universe. This is so exciting to me and I understand many women have very different experiences for many reasons, but I can’t help but feel blessed to be given this opportunity.

Much love and baby dust
– A

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