I have been incredibly fortunate to be able to work from home during each cycle The hormones really, really take a toll on my emotions. For someone who has been dealing with severe anxiety for years, these added hormones can have a debilitating effect on me.
Friday was trigger shot day and I had to wait until 7PM to administer it. I spent all day worrying about it because of the needle phobe that I am. It ended up going very well. I used lidocaine and ice and hardly felt it except for a by while he was injecting the meds. We triggered with 10,000 units of Novarel this time. After about an hour I was sick to my stomach and tired so I went ahead and went to bed. I tossed and turned for the next two nights and spent the weekend feeling flu-ish. Just tired, lethargic, hurt to move. I remember feeling poorly the last time I had the full dose of HCG. I guess that is just how I respond.
One thing I was worried about is how I would feel when I ovulated. I have not ovulated on my own during a medicated cycle. Both times resulted in egg retrievals. I don’t feel myself ovulate normally (if I do) so I didn’t know what to expect with 4 follicles growing and ready to pop. Well, I found out about 1AM Sunday morning when I woke up with sharp pains in my ovaries. Rarely does anything wake me from a deep slumber, but this did. Luckily it only lasted for a minute or so. Then took another hour to get back to sleep.
I felt a little stronger yesterday and ran some errands and did some chores. Last night was the first night of Crinone (progesterone gel vaginal suppository). I was told to take it at bedtime so I would be laying down for an extended period of time and it would absorb better. It wasn’t much different from Monistat vaginal suppositories, with the applicator and the gel. It did feel a little strange and as I was laying there afterwards I did feel an increase in cramps (I have been cramping a bit on and off for days). Since I hadn’t gotten much sleep the past few nights, I took two benedryl to help me sleep. I know progesterone can help sleep too so I am not sure which it was, but I sleep like a baby last night! I physically feel better today than I have in about a week.
I received a call from the doctor’s office today and it was one of Dr. Bohler’s fellows. We normally work with Dr. Gentry, but have seen Dr. Dondrik the past few scans. Both are very nice and approachable. She was calling to confirm our transfer for Friday and to ask how many embryos we wanted thawed. I told her we would like to transfer both. She said she would let Dr. Christensen (the embryologist) know. She also mentioned what we all already know…that there is a chance the snowbabies won’t survive the thaw or they won’t survive the thaw well.
This is something I am aware of, but as we approach transfer day, the worries that I placed in the little box in the back of my mind have come out to play. What if our snowbabies don’t survive the thaw? The embryologist said 80% survive. But that means 1 in 5 do not. What if we spent the last six months preparing and waiting to be reunited only to find out hours before the transfer that they didn’t make it? I am trying to push these fears away and focus on the positive. I really do feel like this is our time. However, it is hard to keep the crazy and the anxiety at bay when I have so many hormones coursing through my veins. I had a small panic attack while Chris was on his way home from work and I was able to calm myself with some deep breathing techniques.
The next few days are going to be hard. Waiting to be reunited with our snowbabies and making sure they survive the big freeze. I will just take it minute by minute and focus on the positive. It feels even more real now we have confirmed we want to thaw both. That also means we will have none left if this cycle doesn’t work. But that’s not going to happen because this is OUR time. Please keep the prayers and positive vibes being sent our way!!