Disclaimer: If you are a friend of mine and are pregnant or have had a baby recently, I am truly happy for you and your bundle of joy. Please do not take this post personally.
So here’s the thing…You don’t realize how hard it is hearing pregnancy announcements, seeing friends have babies and being around children in general until you have walked the path of infertility. If you haven’t been there, you don’t realize how heart-breaking and gut wrenching these normal and happy events can be. You don’t understand the complexity of emotions that flood through you when you experience these things. There is joy for the parents and the new little life they are growing or now holding. There is jealousy and the thoughts of “Why isn’t that me?” God forbid if it’s their second or third kid, the irrational thoughts come into play of “They already have one, it’s my turn. I should get one before they get another!” Don’t tell me you haven’t thought that. We all have. It doesn’t make us a bad person, it makes us human. Then there is the emptiness, the sadness, the loneliness, the heartache, the pit in your stomach knowing that there is a very real possibility that that might never be you. You may never have the joy of creating a funny and memorable pregnancy announcement. You may never feel the never-ending morning sickness that so many women complain about, but we long for. You may never get to feel a child move inside of you or look into your child’s eyes and see your husband or your grandmother. These are things that fertile couples take for granted everyday and while you might be able to sympathize with what we are going through…the truth is you may never understand if you haven’t been given this path.
These experiences have been difficult for us over the past year and to be honest we have been avoiding being around children more as a self-preservation method. We have remained optimistic and positive and I attribute that to us being self-aware and knowing what is going to make this more difficult for us. We have kind of gone into a survival mode of sorts and it has worked for us up until recently. I won’t go into details, but there was an incident in which we were guilt tripped for avoiding friends because they had a child. When trying to explain the difficulty we have being around children right now, the open conversation turned sour and became down right hurtful. That incident coupled with the many, many Facebook babies have really had me feeling a lot of emotions lately. I’m sure the estrogen is really helping my emotions too.
This week there have been three pregnancy announcements and seven births amongst my Facebook friends. There is also currently another in labor. That’s not counting the four pregnancy announcements last week and the two births then as well. It seems like everyone but me is pregnant. Luckily I have met some wonderful people in the blogging community that I can rant to to help keep my sanity. I am normally so positive and faithful, I have just been having a rough time lately. If you know us in real life, I just ask one simple thing. Please give us a break. We are doing the best we can. This is not a path anyone plans on nor wants to go down. This is not a choice for us, it is a circumstance. We are handling this to the best of our abilities while remaining strong, loving and faithful. If you feel we have been negligent, I am sorry…we are doing the best we can. If you are offended we haven’t come to see your new baby or missed your baby shower, I am sorry…we are doing the best we can. If we missed you child’s birthday party or just made an appearance, I am sorry…we are doing the best we can.
One day we will hopefully be able to come up with a creative and memorable pregnancy announcement, have a fun gender reveal party and celebrate our child’s birth with our friends on Facebook. Until then, please give us a break.