Today is a day full of emotions…It’s a day full of thankfulness and of longing. Of celebration and of emptiness. Of happiness and of sorrow. Today is Mother’s Day.
For all the women that have struggled with infertility, today is a painful reminder of the unfulfilled dream we have in our hearts. This time last year, we were unaware of our infertility. We were happily trying to concieve. Each month was filled with hope and I was convinced that by Mother’s Day 2015 I would be a mother. However, today has come and we are still childless. I know we are beyond blessed to be given the opportunity for IVF and I am so excited about our upcoming cycle, but it’s day like today that cause the hopefulness of the future to be overcome with the despair of the past. I am not where I thought I would be. I am not a Mom. I know God has a plan and I will be Mommy on His schedule not on mine, but it is truly difficult to maintain that positivity and hopefulness day in and day out. Sometimes one just needs to take a minute or a day to mourn.
With all of that being said, I am so thankful for my own mother who has shown grace and understanding through my entire life. She has been there to give me advice and guide me. I hope I can be given the opportunity to strive to be the mother she has been to me. I am thankful for my mother-in-law, whose support means more than she will ever know and who is so excited to be a grandmother she is bursting at the seams! I am thankful for my grandmother, who this past year was diagnosed with breast cancer and is now in remission. She is one of the strongest women I know and she doesn’t let anything, including cancer, get in her way. I am also thankful for Chris’s grandmother who is no longer with us. This is the first Mother’s Day without one of the sweetest ladies I have ever known. She is dearly missed but remembered every day in our hearts.
I am also thankful for all of the women that I have had the opportunity of meeting and getting to know. The mothers who have set a wonderful example of the type of mom I wish to be. The expectant mothers who let me live vicariously through them and experience all the joy of their pregnancy. The women who are adoptive mothers who have given me advice and opened up and shared their stories. And the women who are struggling with infertility who so desperately desire to be a mom. The ones who provide me much needed support and a shoulder to cry on. Whether I have met you in real life or not is irrelevant. Each and every one of you has touched my life and made me a better women and future mother. Thank you!
I guess I can’t say that I am completely not a mom. I am a mother to my five furbabies. While I love them dearly, I cannot wait to be a Mom to the little bundle of joy that we will hopefully have this time next year!!
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mother and future mothers out there!